Really upset

[WHYohwhy12]

I had a surprise pregnancy and me and my husband were both shocked. Found out a week ago and he hasn't even really asked me about it or anything. He said it's my body and up to me but has hinted he doesn't want another kid. I've had spotting and he's barely spoke to me about it but that's normal for him. We work opposite shifts when we do see each other he's not really conversational. However he knew that today I was going to have a scan to see what was happening and I've had nothing from him. He did say the day before he thought about booking it off so he could come with me but he didn't. He's at work now but he has a lunch where he goes for a walk or goes out with his work colleagues. Just really sad that I'm not even important enough when it's something like this. The scan also was bad news which I was kind of expecting but still. It would be nice if he texted me to see how it went. I wonder why myself self esteem is so bloody low.

Its both of your responsibility to tackle this. Its not a sole thing, "its up to you", he is just as responsible for his part in making this happen.

Hopefully its good news today regarding the scan. You dont give out much information on how many children you two have, or their ages, but he clearly is not supporting you here and is using the silent treatment, or sticking his head in the sand, neither good for you to be honest

The scan is bad news. Basically it's a miscarriage

Sorry to hear the scan brought bad news. Did not read fully as I got a bit angry over his lack of support.

I would be less offended if it was the silent treatment but it's just that I'm not even on his radar. He's like that with his mum too but not like that with his work colleagues. Which I find really infuriating.

No worries xx

it's just that I'm not even on his radar

Been there, OP. It’s horrible and you are worth so much more. It is not supposed to be this way, and doesn’t need to be. This is no partner.

Leave him, be single and eventually meet someone else, and you will look back and laugh/wonder what you ever saw in him.

if your H really doesnt want any (more) children then I assume he is going to book himself in for a vasectomy? getting pregnant when you are married and having sex should never be a shock or a surprise, its what happens. I am so, so sorry for your loss. its just awful. but honestly, I would be savage with him over his attitude and be giving him vasectomy pamphlets asking when he is going to get it done. look after yourself and do whatever you need to to get over this trauma.

He's just come home and said he couldn't call me cos he's at work. He has a lunch where he often goes for a walk but once a week he likes to chat with someone he manages about their work. Is it wrong that I'm angry that he didn't meet with them a different day? He keeps saying the only chance he had was at 5.30 when he finishes work. He works in an office. He has a lunch. He makes me so upset he thinks this is fine that he's asking now. I told him I had to tell my mom because I needed to tell someone and his raging at me

I know that the man he wanted to meet with if it was his wife he would have postpone for a different day

He’s behaving like an arse and you deserve better.

I’m so sorry for your loss OP. If he won’t give you the support you need then you have to make extra effort to look after yourself. Take care.

Your husband sounds in many ways ‘disconnected’, unemotional almost.
At a time when his support and involvement, in what was for you a major was missing, this must have been hurtful and a disappointment. I’m sorry he wasn’t there for you.

You say he acts similarly towards his Mum, perhaps she simply accepts this, or maybe she is of the same personality and doesn’t notice. You as his wife, deserves rather more care.

I’m so sorry you’ve lost your baby but if I was your mum or friend I’d say “make sure you never get pregnant by him again.”

The writing’s on the wall. He wasn’t/isn’t there for you when you need him. From what you’ve told us, he’s very selfish and unkind.

Dont give him another opportunity to treat you so offhandedly. Dont dig an even bigger hole for yourself within the bounds of this relationship.

He was playing badminton

I feel sick

Aww op, of course you do, how cruel of him, when you needed him most, you need to take care of yourself these coming weeks, not sure how you recover or for give him for today, you can only look after yourself right now,
He should be ashamed of himself

When?

That’s nasty to not have asked how the scan went. Put yourself first and focus on yourself.

What a wanker. Of course, he could have taken 30 seconds to send a text or 2 minutes to make a call and check on you. He works in an office and presumably is able to have a week or take a 💩 during the day. He's a joke. He's raging with you for getting support from your mum before you told him but he made no effort to contact you or support you. Classic deflect and divert. He's making you the bad guy.

He was playing badminton? What do you mean?

Echoing a previous poster, sorry about losing the baby, but if you want to have a pregnancy again at some future time, think long and hard as your H is clearly unable or unwilling to support you.
Sending you a hug.

He was playing badminton at lunch with a colleague who is depressed

Sorry about your loss.

I would ask him to get a vasectomy.

He clearly doesn't want more children.

He needs to take responsibility for preventing pregnancy; rather than putting it all on you and then behaving like this.