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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner has had a ONS whilst we were sort of on a break...

17 replies

Foreverstar · 01/04/2025 09:51

I posted this on AIBU but think it would be better suited here...
So I've just found out that last month after my partner and I had a stupid row and he'd said it was over that he shagged someone - it all happened after a massive fall out one night where he had kicked off and I'd locked him out - yes I know not good all round from either of us. Turns out he called some woman I think that he knows from his old OLD days who lives locally and asked her for a lift to his house - given how furious he was with me somehow he said one thing led to another and they ended up shagging in her car. We didn't speak for a week after our row and then he was in touch to confirm he wanted to end it. Anyway we ultimately worked through and we decided to continue our relationship. From this point when we started having sex again we used condoms as he told me he thought he'd picked up thrush which as we all know doesn't have to be through sex. He got tested for STDs and thankfully all clear but has only just told me re the ONS this weekend when we argued about something else. He straight away admitted it had made him realise what he's got with me, said how much he hated himself for doing it and apologised for hurting me. Obviously I was devastated to hear what had happened...AIBU to think we can get past this? I want to but I am of course massively struggling with what he did. He said if I'd only let him have his keys before locking him out he'd have just gone back to his house and it's only because I didn't that he ever made the call for a lift and you know the rest as above...he isn't in contact with her and has as you'd suspect told me it won't happen again...he is snoring away next to me and I'm sat here wide awake and feeling like crap...did make me think of the friends storyline where Ross and Rachel are on a break...what's everyone's thoughts please, can we move forward despite what's happened??? I love him and want to. We've been together 3.5 years BTW and he's a massive part of my life...

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 01/04/2025 09:57

Personally I wouldn’t, you mean so little to him that he was inside someone else minutes after he called it off, that’s a no from me

Steambeets · 01/04/2025 09:57

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pimplebum · 01/04/2025 09:59

A man who has no other friends or person he can call other than an old shag = not a keeper

a man whose first thought after an emotional row was to get laid = not a keeper

a man who blames you for his actions= not a keeper

a man that you have such dramatic rows that you kick him out = not a keeper

and then more rows…

his only redeeming feature is he he kept you safe from STD and confessed
but that’s a low bar

Steambeets · 01/04/2025 09:59

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PeggyMitchellsCameo · 01/04/2025 09:59

Proceed with caution.
This reads like a chaotic nightmare. I would wonder if he’d forced the argument to break up with you so he could sleep with this woman.
Friends is pure fiction. When people do this in real life it is soul destroying. He has also put your health at risk.
Have you see his results? You seem to trust him when he has betrayed you.
Of course he’s snoring. He’s got what he wanted from this woman and then you got you back with zero effort.
If you were my daughter I’d tell you to raise your bar and get rid.
If you stay he will do it again.

BlondeMummyto1 · 01/04/2025 10:00

The fact that he had contacts lined up to call makes me think there’s more lies although men have no shame in popping up for sex years down the line.

He could have called a friend but he went straight for a women he used to know? Hmm.

BlondeMummyto1 · 01/04/2025 10:02

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Oh it’s him. It makes more sense now.. He’s clearly shagging around.

Steambeets · 01/04/2025 10:03

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BeaAndBen · 01/04/2025 10:07

Rachel, your relationship with Ross is unhealthy and bad for you. Just dump his ass.

BlondeMummyto1 · 01/04/2025 10:09

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I despair at the examples or relationships with kids on here.

WeeOrcadian · 01/04/2025 10:16

Raise your damn bar OP

Get some standards, please, for you and your DC

Steambeets · 01/04/2025 10:23

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PeggyMitchellsCameo · 01/04/2025 11:03

Your other threads 😳
This relationship is not worth saving.
Put your children first.

User135644 · 01/04/2025 11:08

WeeOrcadian · 01/04/2025 10:16

Raise your damn bar OP

Get some standards, please, for you and your DC

Like attracts like.

GoldBeautifulHeart · 01/04/2025 11:14

Mrsttcno1 · 01/04/2025 09:57

Personally I wouldn’t, you mean so little to him that he was inside someone else minutes after he called it off, that’s a no from me

I agree!

Gelatibon · 01/04/2025 11:20

Fwiw, I thought Ross was right in that story, but on this occasion it seems to me like he wa already planning to hook up with this woman. Why would you call someone from OLD for a lift the night you'd had a row with GF?

category12 · 01/04/2025 11:27

Ross and Rachel were horrible together. I don't know why people think it was a romantic storyline. They sucked.

Which is an answer in a way.

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