Lonely in marriage

[GraceDvd]

I've been married for 20 years and in a, what was, a very healthy relationship. A few weeks ago, he told me he had lost his libido, which I was shocked by as he had always had such a high sex drive. But we have been going through a lot so didn't delve too much into it.
My mum passed away suddenly a few months ago and I've been struggling with normality and have distanced myself from everyone.

At the weekend, myself and husband attended a family party. I attended only knowing he'd be with me and I'd have his full support. Like he's my comfort blanket. But it didn't go ahead like this. Instead, he sat with the male members of the family leaving me feeling very alone. I know that sounds petty but I'd said several times I could only go knowing he'd be with me.
He came over on the occasions where he was passing the bar and asked me if I wanted a drink, which was no. He didn't ask if I was okay at any point in the night. What's worse is that the men he was with made pokey jokes at me asking 'if I was in a huff cause he hadn't done the housework' but he didn't back me in anyway. He fed into the jokes.

My anxiety worsened when yesterday was mothers day and, granted, I said I didn't want to celebrate (as in go out for dinner etc) but he'd made no attempt. I stayed in my bed all day (I'm a mum myself), crying.
I know I sound needy and petty but I'm feeling very hurted, abandoned and alone right now. Is it just me? Am I tye bad one?
I'm finding it so hard to pull myself out of this and feel betrayed by him that he hasn't attempted to comfort me, knowing how upset I've been, and didn't have my back.

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so lonely. I'd feel the same, especially about no explanation being given to ward off the inappropriate jokes. Is this a total change of character or has he always been inconsiderate to some extent?

Do you have anyone else you could talk to that you trust? Could you get any bereavement counselling or other professional/outside support - is there a grief café near you, for instance?

I'm so sorry about your Mum OP.

You are not being needy and petty. Losing your Mum is a really traumatic thing in most people's lives and when it is a sudden loss it's very hard.
I think your H has been really unpleasant and unsupportive of you. Sitting and joking with his cronies at your expense when he knows you are in mourning is so cruel.
You can't " pull yourself" out of grief. It's a natural process that takes as long as it takes.
Do you have a friend or member of your own family you could go and stay with for a time? Someone who will give you the love and support you need atm?

Well he wanted to have a good time at the party it isnt just about you and your anxiety and your feelings what about him. Maybe get some therapy or meds for your anxiety?

Did you not read that OP lost her Mum a couple of months ago?
After 20 years of marriage surely supporting his wife at this low point in her life is more important than him " enjoying " a party.
Unbelievable that you think his priority should having a laugh at OP when she is feeling down.

Thank you all for your responses and for just taking the time to read my post.

He isn't the most emotionally supportive, he wasn't brought up on hugs and kisses and I've often found him to feel somewhat awkward comforting me when I'm upset but, during the last few months he has been there with a hand on my knee, kiss on the forehead etc but on Saturday it was just like he couldn't be bothered, when I needed him the most. Just to get through this 1st social venture.
I completely get the party wasn't about me! I know that and I didn't expect him to sit with me all night or be at my beck and call. I just feel I was abandoned in some way.

We have kids and I'm at home trying to be there for them so staying away isn't an option but I'll definitely consider the counselling. I find it easier to speak to strangers about my feelings than I go close friends, strangely x

I would guess that @Fluffypotatoe123987 missed the point that you are grieving a recent loss, and your husband knows this, but when the family members laughed about whether you looked sad because he hadn't done the housework, he did not immediately explain that you were grieving and stop them from joking about it - and instead made further jokes on a similar vein. Totally unacceptable, disloyal and unkind.

@GraceDvd it sounds like you tend to put others before yourself, but this is a time when you need to be kind to yourself. Your husband is responsible for the children too. Do whatever you have to. Have a google for local grief cafés / crisis cafés if you live in a bigger town. And counselling is great if you are the type to worry about being a burden, or if you don't like to complain. It's the job the counsellor gets paid to do, and you don't have to play anything down. You do have to find someone you click with - that's important.

Come on again and let us know if he keeps this behaviour up. The whole "sudden drop in libido" thing sounds pretty suspect.