Family group chat

[sweetstufflonndon]

I know this might sound a bit petty, but my partner of two years is in a big family group WhatsApp chat that includes cousins, their partners, and a couple of family friends. Whenever we go out or attend events—which happens fairly often—his family shares pictures in the group chat, but I’m not part of it.

I’m feeling a little hurt by it, even though I know I might find the chat overwhelming if I were included. It’s not so much about the messages but more about the fact that I haven’t been added, especially when I see the pictures afterward or take some and send them to my boyfriend to share on the chat.

Am I being oversensitive? Maybe it’s just an oversight on my boyfriend’s part. I should just ask to be added, but I’m not sure. What do you think? I feel like I haven’t made the cut yet..!

I’d just accept this is one of those things you aren’t going to be in to be honest if it is a family chat.

Just ask him about it. Really.

Trust me, if they add you you'll be back on here whinging within a week that you don't know how to leave without it being awkward! Family chats are full of crap that wouldn't mean anything to anyone other than those involved (usually MILs set them up as a way to keep tabs on everyone...). Be grateful you're being left in peace.

You've been his girlfriend for a couple of years, I don't think it's unusual for you not to be in a family chat, if you have children/get married that might change.

Why would you want to join?

Sounds like a great way to say the wrong thing to the wrong person. Sometimes not being part of a big family group and sitting on the periphery is the most comfortable position.

I kind of get where you are coming from but.. How long have you been together, do you live together?

It may just be that other partners were already established when the group was first made/grew.

Are the other partners like longterm partners and know everyone else in the family, or are they similarly girlfriends of 2 years?

I’ve been married to my husband for 17 years. We do have a group chat with his brother and mum (that I don’t check). But if he had a bigger one with all the cousins and aunties/uncles, I’m not even sure I’d care. I mean, it would probably be more practical for me to know what’s going on in the family than him. But I really don’t even look at the group chat that we have! That said, this is what social media is for. Do you know them to follow them on social media? (Personally, I could not be asked with checking the group chat to see what dh’s cousin is doing when he’s out out).

I’m upset, but I don’t know if I’m overreacting.

I had to go to hospital yesterday because there were some concerns with my mammogram. The doctor wants to discuss putting me on long-term, low-dose chemotherapy as a preventive measure because I’m very high-risk for breast cancer, I lost my sister to it a year and a half ago. It was a difficult day.

My partner of 2.5 years (we don’t live together) was sympathetic when I told him, but he didn’t ask when my appointment was, and he didn’t check in at all during the day. He messaged me about other things but never mentioned it. Then, at 5:30 in the evening, he sent me a message saying he had to work a weekend in a few weeks—something he had promised he wouldn’t do again. Weekends are the only time we see each other, and we’ve already spent a month apart because of his work and other commitments.

I just feel really let down. He did apologise and admitted he should have asked me first before sending that message. I know he loves me, but I often have to ask him to show concern for me. He has ADHD, and I try to be understanding, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

Am I overreacting? I feel like I need some space to consider whether this relationship is right for me in the long run, because this kind of behaviour is really triggering for me. He’s otherwise a good and kind partner, which makes me feel guilty for being this upset—but I still am. Thanks for reading

You are not over reacting on your update. You obviously do not feel cared for and it's a bit grim of him to ignore the issues you are facing and the thoughts that must bring.

Whether it is intentional or not, you don't sound compatible, you shouldn't feel left alone like this at any point in a relationship let alone just 2.5 years in. I think you are right to weigh up whether this is the right relationship for you.

I hope your treatment goes well and I'm so sorry for your loss.

I’ve been with my husband for over 20 years he has a family WhatsApp group which consists of his siblings their partners, their children and their children’s partners. I along with our teen children have not been added to it. I’ve asked my husband several times about why it is we’ve not been added and he doesn’t see it as an issue. I found it hurtful and so did one of my teens who knows all his cousins have been added. Therefore, I just don’t go to any of the family invites anymore, if I’m not seen as family after 20+ years then don’t expect me to join family events.

Yeah but she said cousins and their partners, so why not?