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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Do I stay or leave

6 replies

Annie93 · 31/03/2025 11:28

I’ve been with my partner 7 years, we have a 4 year old and things have been hard since we had our son. I suffered PND bad & at the time my partner wasn’t very supportive he would tell me I was incapable & useless, 2 weeks after giving birth he told me to make myself useful & clean out the garage. Since our son has got to toddler age he is stamping his authority down even more, our son should be made to sit at the table for breakfast I should be getting hold of him & making him do it, he shouted at me cos I got our son ready upstairs instead of downstairs. He has to make his pack lunch everyday, (you know just incase I happen to put chocolate sandwiches & sugar in!)
I have the chance to go away with my sister and son and I asked him 3 times if this was ok which he said was & even said that he didn’t want to go away with our son yet as he’d be stuck all day round a splash pool and he wouldn’t be able to do what he wanted to do. I booked the holiday & now he’s kicking off saying we do everything separate & why would I go book a holiday when we are selling our house. He says I’m back on the depressive. He basically gave me an ultimatum that I move to a particular house that neither of us has seen or I can go live somewhere else.
we are going to be putting our house up for sale soon and I just don’t know whether I should make a break or go with him for our son.

OP posts:
MuddyPawsIndoors · 31/03/2025 11:31

I just don’t know whether I should make a break or go with him for our son.

I'm pretty sure you do know.

Maitri108 · 31/03/2025 11:31

For some reason he's treating you like staff. You need to leave as he's controlling and abusive.

PriscillaQueen · 31/03/2025 12:21

Leave. Definitely leave. When you pack for your holiday with your sister, pack as much as possible and don’t go back. See a lawyer upon your return and see about splitting the house. This man is abusive and a terrible role model for your son.

Buttonknot · 31/03/2025 12:22

He sounds awful OP.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 31/03/2025 12:27

Make a break for it. It's no way to live.

Gogglebox189975 · 31/03/2025 12:38

he wants out. He’s given you an ultimatum to force your hand so you leave and he can say ‘she left me’ ‘poor me’. Leave him but threaten that if he makes it difficult you will tell everyone exactly how he behaves behind closed doors.

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