Can we get through this?

[colourblockss]

So me and my partner haven’t had sex for 6 weeks and this is something that always happens throughout our 14 year relationship. we won’t have sex for months then we will have it once then again nothing for ages but lately i feel a huge disconnect to him since i found only fans emails in his phone (i didn’t snoop we were driving to the airport & following a satnav on his phone and he asked me to press something and i clicked on something else by mistake) and i really had such respect for him before this and always thought my man was different and that he would never do anything like that so it really floored me and now i feel my partners a pervert and i feel like i didn’t even know my own partner in the first place. The fact he has subscribed to women’s OF and is actively looking at other women but not paying any attention to me makes me hate myself and blame myself and feel not good enough. can we work through this?

Sounds like both of your needs aren’t being met. Sex every 6 weeks is not enough for any healthy relationship. Do you want to have sex with him? Have u spoken to uom
about it? You need to have an open talk and prioritise sex if you want things to improve.

6 weeks can be fixable 6 years no 6 months unlikely

The OF suggests a big clash in value which is more of a worry

Your reaction is natural but equally you need to focus on your own self worth being decided by you and not dependent on his behaviour.

Men that have stunning wives like Beyoncé and Cheryl Cole and sienna miller still cheat when they want a cheap easy ego boost so it doesn't mean you're ugly etc

thank you for responding. i agree with you you’re absolutely right

IMO, Only Fans blurs the lines between looking and participating and I would consider this a form of cheating. No, I wouldn't be having sex with a cheating spouse.

You've discovered your husband is not the man you thought he was and you've lost respect for him and it seems like he's using porn rather than have sex with you.

Have you discussed porn or set boundaries around using it?

I don't know much about Only Fans except it's a subscription service. It sounds like he's subscribed to various accounts to view pictures and porn. I don't know if that could also involve interaction.

Regarding your sex life, who has the higher libido? If it's you, then you've done well to put up with such little sex for 14 years.

If he's the one with the lower libido, it could be because you don't meet certain needs that he gets from porn.

You really need to talk.