You might remember me posting two months ago because my boyfriend of 2 years had broken up with me because he might want children.
A little backstory, I am a single mother with 4 children after having left an abusive relationship. After 4.5 years of therapy bland just focusing on myself I started dating and found recent ex. He is 38 and I am 41. He has no kids, lives with his grandmother as a caregiver and has never been married. I told him when we met I was done having kids and he said he wanted kids but it didn’t matter whether it was biological so he was happy to continue.
It was going ok with the usual ups and downs, however I never met all his friends and family just the ones we bumped into - he would introduce me as his girlfriend. He mentioned he likes introductions to just happen authentically etc. my kids got on with him and we had all been on 4 holidays together.
fast forward New Year’s Day, we celebrated together and then celebrated our 2 years on the 6th where we discussed the next step would be an engagement . He had a 10 day holiday booked for 4 days later so I helped him pack etc. he likes to travel and I would join when I can depending on child care and work commitments. Anyways he left for holiday and I hardly heard from him, which was off. When he returned he had an accident and he kept refusing to make plans with me saying he was feeling traumatised and had to go to the doctor, so we met up almost 3 weeks later. Due to my kids and him being self employed and saying his schedule is tight, we would only see each other once a week.
we met up in Feb and I told him I was unhappy about his communication and lack of meeting his family and the fact that he has never told me he loves me (his response is always actions speak louder than words). I asked him where does he see the relationship going and he told me he wanted to marry me but after his accident he realised he didn’t have a legacy to leave behind and that it is natural for a man to want kids after wanting marriage. I told him I have always been clear that I am not open to more kids. He said the logical thing was to break up. I wished him the best, walked away and went no contact.
He had formed a relationship with my oldest so he has still been checking in to see how they are and telling them that he missed them and hopes to see them one day soon. He even told them I was a good woman and it’s a shame I wanted no children as he thought I was going to marry. He has been checking in twice a week with her and I respected that he just didn’t cut them out.
it was hard for me but but I made peace that at least we broke for good reason to avoid resentment in the future. I’ve been no contact, counting down the days and healing well. Fast forward day 49 no contact, I’m scrolling through YouTube and I see a travel blog of a woman talking about her visit in London to see her long distance boyfriend, I don’t know why I was intrigued but I clicked it and low and behold guess who her ldr boyfriend is?? My ex! I was shocked so I looked and her last travel video and it’s the same country he travelled in January and she’s done a good job hiding him but it’s him in there with her. They are having cocktails, at the same hotel room, on excursions together etc. the same holiday I helped pack for.
it all made sense, him not contacting me on holiday, his distance when he returned, his doctors appointment probably to get checked out and his decision to end the relationship stating he has now realised he wants kids. I honestly feel so betrayed. I did not beg him the first time and walked away with grave deleting. When I found out I got his contact from archive forwarded him the video with karma is a thing and blocked him. Then commented on her video in case she didn’t know. Also wrote her a private message. She deleted the comments so it’s either she is embarrassed by what’s happened or she knew. I also told all the kids who are old enough to understand what’s going on to just block him as I suspect he was using them to just soothe his guilt.
i feel like im back at day one. My ex husband cheated on me so it’s a soft spot and i think it’s the fact that he made our last conversation seem like it was the kids issue and that I kept demanding more time and to meet his family and I didn’t seem to understand him.
the last time I wrote on here it really helped to read responses, I’m just asking for a virtual shoulder, tough love, positive talk, insight anything