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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

A functioning Addict?

13 replies

ComebackQueen · 30/03/2025 22:37

Just posting for a bit of advice as I can’t fathom my friends partner and his sporadic crack cocaine use.

I won’t go into too much specifics but to cut a long story short, for the last two years he has been doing crack cocaine.

Yet in that time he has still managed to hold down a job and be promoted whilst ‘dabbling’.

When my friend discovered this nearly a year ago, she put location tracking on, besides his work commute, he was almost entirely house bound and clean.

The problem is only when she relents and allows him to for example ‘go see his mother’ he will turn off location and do some crack cocaine.

This to me shows he doesn’t have an addiction in the sense that you’re required to get a hit, daily and repeatedly.

The NHS have offered counselling but it doesn’t seem to have made much difference as unlike the others there, he can go months without using.

My friend is at her wits end, she doesn’t want to leave due to them having a six year old and the obvious reason of love etc and generally his drug use has minimal impact atm on the household and the child.

I think this could be more a psychological addition but she believes he must have secretly been using which is unlikely as he works for a Government Department and they’ve sacked people for less (smell of alcohol etc).

Has anyone seen this type of behaviour/addiction before and if so, any suggestions.

She called me this evening to say he had a slip up after a 4 month dry spell. I can’t offer her anything besides my prayers a sympathetic ear. I’m a rubbish friend, I know!

OP posts:
PriscillaQueen · 30/03/2025 22:46

He won’t stop completely unless he wants to. It’s as simple as that. I wouldn't have a crack head around my child. What would happen if he was caught with it? I’m sure SS would get involved to safeguard the children.

ComebackQueen · 30/03/2025 22:51

PriscillaQueen · 30/03/2025 22:46

He won’t stop completely unless he wants to. It’s as simple as that. I wouldn't have a crack head around my child. What would happen if he was caught with it? I’m sure SS would get involved to safeguard the children.

Edited

I did mention this, well intimated that should the child’s school have a suspicion, it would involve social services.

She took it to mean I was making a thinly veiled threat. To be clear though, if I suspected the child to be in danger I would report to the relevant authorities.

She believes her and her child are safe.

Of all the drugs, crack cocaine!

OP posts:
Maitri108 · 30/03/2025 22:52

They're locked in a really unhealthy relationship and she's too caught up in codependency to see the bigger picture. Her child's dad is a crack head and she needs to leave the relationship.

CaptainBeanThief · 30/03/2025 22:59

I was a functioning coke/crack addict until.... I wasn't.
I've been clean for a while. It WILL catch up with him and he will become unable to function day to day.
Luckily me and my husband survived and we don't have any children and luckily I have my teeth still 😵‍💫

GoodCharl · 30/03/2025 23:05

Tell her to bin him off FOR the sake of the 6 year old. Jesus. He loves crack more than either of them. Get rid!

Climbinghigher · 31/03/2025 07:01

I’d call him an addict. It doesn’t have to be a daily thing.

addictions tend to progress. She won’t be able to do anything to make him stop, he will have to decide to, want to & put the work in.

i wouldn’t stay.

VoodooQualities · 31/03/2025 09:27

Crack is a drug that's hard to control. It is possible to be a functioning drug user. The wife of one would need to lay down boundaries and stick to them (I speak from experience).

But nothing good comes of crack really, it's one you don't want to be doing in the long term.

ComebackQueen · 31/03/2025 13:16

Thanks All, I agree with all the sentiment on here.

I don’t think she is prepared to really leave, despite her threats to him.

OP posts:
ComebackQueen · 31/03/2025 13:17

CaptainBeanThief · 30/03/2025 22:59

I was a functioning coke/crack addict until.... I wasn't.
I've been clean for a while. It WILL catch up with him and he will become unable to function day to day.
Luckily me and my husband survived and we don't have any children and luckily I have my teeth still 😵‍💫

How were you able to get clean? Did the counselling help?

or is it better to get to a facility? The wife has the resources to send him to rehab but she seems reluctant to use her own money and rather use what is available via the NHS, which is understandable.

OP posts:
Maitri108 · 31/03/2025 13:18

ComebackQueen · 31/03/2025 13:16

Thanks All, I agree with all the sentiment on here.

I don’t think she is prepared to really leave, despite her threats to him.

She will if social services get involved. I'm sure they'd be interested in a crack head dad.

CaptainBeanThief · 31/03/2025 13:29

I got clean after the second attempt at taking my life - being in a coma for 8 weeks, getting necrotising fascitis in my leg and nearly having it amputated, getting sepsis x 2, kidney failure, lung failure, countless infections, I knew i had to get myself right.
The drugs wrecked my mental health and life and those around me

ComebackQueen · 31/03/2025 13:52

@CaptainBeanThief

congratulations on getting clean and staying clean and rebuilding your life.

OP posts:
Climbinghigher · 31/03/2025 19:09

CaptainBeanThief · 31/03/2025 13:29

I got clean after the second attempt at taking my life - being in a coma for 8 weeks, getting necrotising fascitis in my leg and nearly having it amputated, getting sepsis x 2, kidney failure, lung failure, countless infections, I knew i had to get myself right.
The drugs wrecked my mental health and life and those around me

Well done @CaptainBeanThief I hope that doesn’t sound patronising. I live with someone who had nearly died on more than one occasion from his addiction and I know how very hard it is.

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