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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My ex controls me still

2 replies

Futurepast · 30/03/2025 13:09

my ex husband and I still live together for now and we were taking our daughter to soft play.
he asked why I was quiet.
I timidly answered “I was feeling sort for myself”
He asked why. And I knew he would kick off but I had no choice. I said “I just thought I might have gotten me a Mother’s Day card”.
That was it. Shouting, screaming, slamming doors. In front of our daughter and infront of strangers.
He brought up all the things I did “wrong” and how during his first Father’s Day with me I got him nothing (our first 7 Father’s Day together we didn’t have a child together, they are his children with different women).
He always goes on about how I never think of him and when I try to give examples (I get flustered on the spot and my mind goes blank) he dismisses it immediately and tells me something else I do wrong.
He is so paranoid all the time and during or relationship I’ve managed to lose all my friends and family, he’s even told me which members of his family I’m allowed to talk to and what I can and can’t say.
I feel like I can’t complain about him to anyone ever because I still have to see him even when I move out.
I feel so trapped in every sense of the word.

OP posts:
Fluffyholeysocks · 30/03/2025 13:14

You describe you husband as an ex but unfortunately you still have to live together. So it must be awkward for all concerned to have to go out as a family. Until you actually separate I think it's going to be hard for you. Saying that, I would have absolutely no expectation of anything from him. If you don't expect anything you won't be disappointed.

GammonAndEgg · 30/03/2025 13:19

I was in the same situation many years ago. I took the children to a shop and got them to choose a pair of slippers and a bunch of flowers for me, which I paid for.
Kids happy, I was happy.
Fuck that man and the horse he rode in on.

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