Someone tell me I’m being silly

[KurtCobainLover]

My DC have a really lovely stepmum who does a lot for them and is a big part of their lives (we do 50/50). This year they’ve got her flowers for Mother’s Day (got me some lovely things too) and for some reason I feel a bit weird about it.

On the one hand I’m grateful for everything she does for them and that they have such a great relationship but other the other hand I want to stamp my feet and say I’m their mother and no one else.

Please tell me to stop being silly and let to let it go.

It’s not silly. I’d feel the same. It is possible to be grateful and thankful for a stepmother, even to like her very much, and be territorial about her place in their lives at the same time.

It’s not silly at all. But you do have to find a way to live with it without saying anything. You are obviously raising very thoughtful and considerate kids, and I’m glad they have a positive relationship with their dad’s new partner. But nobody can ever replace you as their mum. I get how you’re feeling about it, but no helpful suggestions I’m afraid, sorry!

Your children are showing what lovely kind and caring humans they are by doing this for their stepmum.

Being a stepmum is not easy and you are accepting children that aren’t your own and mostly going through life being under appreciated in the whole situation so I think this is lovely of them.

Worth reading this for another perspective https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/stepparenting/5304884-youre-not-their-mum

I wouldn’t say you were silly, but it sounds like they’re just trying to recognise what she does for them (as they should). It doesn’t mean they see her as their mum in any way. Sounds like you have raised some thoughtful and appreciative children.

Thank you for talking some sense into me.

I’m in the same position. I am very, very grateful that my kids have a lovely step-mum and that they can see what she does for them which is more than their dad does.
I love that they have an extra person who loves them.

I can see that its hard but please try to let it go. Your children are lovely and thoughtful and your children’s step mother deserves recognition for her hard work supporting them.

That’s a great way of putting it that they have an extra person who loves them. I’ve never really thought of it that way before. Thank you

Think - what brilliant kind children I am raising, in them recognising step-mum plays a pivotal role in their daily lives.

I get why it stings but if it's a 50/50 divide be proud your children are intelligent to recognise they are lucky enough to have a decent step-mother and they are surrounded with adults doing their best for the children.

If she is doing same stuff mum would normally do it is a nice way to "reward" her the same way as mum.
Your children need good relationship with her and getting something for mothers day is a nice gesture.

obviously depending on age it could be just someone’s influence. I think there is a big focus on “inclusivity “ in a wider sense at schools to accommodate different shapes of families so modern children and young people have a bit different views then their parents and grandparents.
I think as long as DC buying a card with a label “ to a step mum” it’s ok and they understand the difference.

But it’s not silly at all that you feel this , I would feel the same if I were you.

Their step mum obviously plays a big part in their life and they are showing her they appreciate her and things she does. It might sting a little but she is also doing a motherly role. I’d just be grateful they have a good relationship with her, it could be worse. It doesn’t mean they love you any less

Your feelings are totally normal! It’s okay to sting but try and brush it away with positive thoughts.. they have someone else to love them, you will always be their mum, she could be awful to them or indifferent, and it shows what lovely kids you have.