Is it emotional abuse?

[Mumofpipandpea]

Hi, new on here. We are trying for our third baby and I have had numerous chemical pregnancies over the past 9 months. Today, (Mother’s Day) I just got another negative after a positive. Told my partner and he said, ‘never mind, maybe you’re just past it’. He rarely shows emotion and when I cry he calls me a baby and to get it together. I cried and he said, ‘mummy is having a mental breakdown’. I find it very painful to be mocked when I’m emotionally vulnerable like that. I’ve tried to tell him this but he still does it. I spoke to Samaritans about it because I didn’t feel I had anywhere else to turn and they indicated I should leave the relationship. But we have a 1 and 3 year old. I’m finding myself frustrated and upset regularly. I just wondered if anyone had any thoughts or insights that might help. Also I lost two of my colleagues to suicide in the past two weeks, so I have been a bit down, which probably hasn’t helped. Many thanks x

Why on earth are you trying for a baby? You already have two babies! Are you trying to get pregnant to give you something to look forward to because your relationship is shit? Honestly another baby is the last thing you should be thinking about. Your partner doesn't care about you. He doesn't observe your boundaries because he is a selfish prick. You say you can't leave because you have a three year old and a one year old. So why are you trying to trap yourself even more? Wanting a third baby in these circumstances is utter madness. Ask him to leave, you're worth more than this.

Do NOT have another child with this man! Can you imagine if you said that to him?! Your partner should be your friend and a friend would never say something so awful or be so totally unbothered about you being upset.If he is not the partner you would
wamt for your own daughter, stop trying for another baby and get the hell out.

Bit harsh, @UpMyself!

I would agree with PP, OP. I wouldn’t try for another baby just yet. He doesn’t sound very supportive. I’m sorry.

Yes, it's emotional abuse.

• He mocks you when you're vulnerable in moments of grief and distress instead of showing compassion. This is cruel and dismissive.

• Calling you a baby for crying and saying you're having a mental breakdown, just for expressing emotion, isn’t just insensitive, it’s demeaning and psychologically undermining.

• The fact that you've told him it hurts and he continues to do it shows a lack of empathy and a refusal to respect boundaries.

• You've felt so isolated and distressed that you’ve turned to Samaritans, and yet you're still second-guessing whether this is serious.

That level of confusion is very common in abusive dynamics. I take it he's been like this for a good few years and ground you down? When someone consistently invalidates your emotions, you start to feel like maybe you’re overreacting, when you’re really not.

And yes, I agree with PP that adding another baby into that dynamic when you're already emotionally unsupported, caring for two very young children, and grieving multiple losses (including your colleagues) would be madness. You don't need to make things even harder for yourself.

This isn’t just a rough patch. It sounds like a toxic environment that is taking a real toll on your mental health, and won't be any good for any children you bring into it.

Do you have RL support, practical or emotional?

I agree with others, you really shouldn't be bringing another baby into this relationship.

And yes, he is abusive. Very much so.

He's horrible, love. He's emotionally abusive.

I'm sorry you're struggling with TTC and losing colleagues like that.

But it might be the fates telling you not to have another with this man. He's a pig.

I’m sorry to be brutal, but leave him. Take your babies and yourself out of this toxic relationship tomorrow. He will never change. Emotional abuse is the pits. If you’re on fb, watch the Jimmy on Relationships and you’ll see for yourself that you need out.
I’m Sure a friend or relative will put you up. Oh and get a lovely solicitor too! You’ll be amazed just how much support there is for you. You are not alone. 🤗