Is there the equivalent of the Stately Homes thread but for parents of abusive children?

[Politenoticed]

I desperately need some support as my daughter is making me feel suicidal with her abusive behaviour. I couldn't see Amy obvious support threads?

@Politenoticed i am happy to talk to you about my experience via pm as I’m not ready to put it all completely out there! I have a cold so off to bed but I will reply and I hope you feel a bit better just talking on here.

I feel like this could be my future. My currently primary school aged child blames me for everything and launches into hurtful verbal abuse everyday. Every parenting strategy I’ve tried fails. Particularly hard today on Mother’s Day so I’m very understanding of your situation. I’m sorry it’s so hard.

I think it might be worth you paying for your own mental health support here @Politenoticed so you can stay calm and focused with your boundaries.

TBH autism does not equal bad behaviour (my own young adult DD is diagnosed autistic and DH and DS undiagnosed autistic). I wonder what else has happened over your child’s lifetime that may have shaped her to feel that abuse is acceptable. It may be more mental health related than autism related.

She has never witnessed abuse if that is what you are suggesting.
Not all autistic people are the same. Abuse isn't acceptable but she doesn't see it as abuse. She masks hugely everywhere else so she comes home and let's it all out. She has never seen anyone blame me or anyone else for everything that is wrong in their life.
She has mental health problems but they stem from the autism and the struggles that it has brought for her.
She has completely switched today and one of the things I am struggling with is she will just moves on as if none of the previous things that have left me so distressed from the previous day have ever happened.

I understand that. When did she start to blame you?

Yes.......... and its still VERY possible to have an abusive child even if the parenting has been pretty spot on. I have one of each. One thats really difficult (and can be abusive - thankfully not very often) and one thats totally the opposite.
Hoping Im not being rude but........ I suggest you stick to topics you know something about! whatwouldlilacerullodo

ASD and MH, my experience is it’s a pretty fiery mix and complex for even the CMHT to handle. It’s not easy to manage in your home either.

You MIGHT find PEGS parent support of some use. They were set up to support parents who are abused by their children including young adult children. www.pegsupport.co.uk/

Why do you assume I don't? I have 2 teenage DCs and one is exactly like that. Difficult, and I feel they could easily become abusive if I don't keep them in check. They demand A LOT of attention and parenting. Which I couldn't give when I was in an abusive marriage, with anxiety and depression. I believe that if I can keep up, they will become a non abusive adult. But if I had help, I would be more confident about keeping up.

This is a very valuable contribution. At the end of the day there is only so much a parent can control, the external environment and other people’s input and behaviour are not always on the list.

However I still think that no one has to put up with abuse even if it is ND that sits at the root of it. Abuse breaks a person down overtime meaning there is less and less of themselves left.

If a person is an adult and they have become abusive over time then I don’t think one of their victims are placed to help them fix that. The very fact that the person is being victimised means respect is not there so the abusive person won’t value their input and also there is a dynamic in place that the victim inevitably participates in which perpetuates unless the victim can see and stop playing their part in the cycle.

whatwouldlilacerullodo because of the way you were speaking to the op. She clearly needs support not people assuming somehow its all her fault. Or that its something she could have prevented if only she'd tried harder.

Apologies if again Ive misunderstood you but thats what I got from your comments.

@Politenoticed I reckon - start a support group thread "But we pureed butternut squash for you. We took you to baby gym classes!!!" - Im sure there will be others who would appreciate a chat and any support given.

I’m too exhausted to catch up but I’m just wondering if anyone has set up a thread like Stately Homes? If not I will happily do it. I’ve just had a rough couple of days again with my 18 year old Dd and it would be valuable instead of posting on my long running thread.

Hi, I haven't set one up but would be glad of one. My dd has gone away to stay with my sister for a little bit

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5311229-we-pureed-organic-vegetables-for-you?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share