Dp's parents are baaad - have i done the right thing? long(ish!)

[Nixz]

Dp's parents are awful.
He was raised mostly by his lovely Gran and when he was 16, DP escaped and joined the army.
His mum has caused him huge problems over the years and now, us.
Takes overdoses 5 or 6 times a year/calls dp's work (the forces)/has only seen dd about 5 times/drinks/takes drugs/makes obscene and threating phone calls/damaged our property - the list goes on.
The icing on the cake came in April last year, we returned home from a lovely week in the lakes to about 40 calls, most of them leaving the most outragous, nasty, obscene messages I have ever heard. Threatening to kill all of us, said she phoned SS and told them we beat our dd etc.
I went to the police, with a copy of the messages (Police were horrified) and she was arrested and charged with harrassment and ordered to stay away from us for 1 year or she would have a custodial sentence enforced.
Totally out of the blue, all the way from Glasgow, this morning just before school she strolled into my garden demanding to take dd.
I was gobsmacked!
I told her she couldnt see dd anymore (until dd can make an informed decision anyway),she then tried to give me a wod of cash, I refused and about 5 minuted later, in strolled Dad instead!
I phoned DD, handed the phone over and let him deal with it - thing is, i dont trust them and this morning had to mention it to her school - just incase....
Now, DD was scared stiff this morning but now she is saying that she wished she had had the chance to see them. Have I done the right thing by speaking for her?
I think I have but now i feel bloody guilty!

Thats meant to say - phoned DP!!!!

sounds like totally the right thing to have done

Anyone who behaves in such an irrational and unreasonable manner could pose a serious risk to your child. No way I'd let anyone who behaves like this anywhere near my family. Being related makes no difference.

How old is DD?

Personally is they had breached her order I'd have phoned the police.

What did you DP say to them on the phone?

Ring the police and get an injunction - they are obviously not sane!

DD is 7 and the order stated that if they made any more threatening calls in the next 12 months then a breach will have been made.
What do I say to the police though?
They went quietly, did not threaten me etc they havent actually committed a crime.
I know there will be backlash from this though, Im expecting a phone call very soon!
I havent yet spoken properly to DP as ive been in work and he is on a course, away from home.
I think he just told them that they couldnt have anything to do with her or us because of their behaviour. He was quite upset about it, its not a nice thing to have to do and I think he must miss them, in a weird way. Its actually his choice they we have no further contact.

You have absolutely (without a shadow of doubt) done the right thing.

you did the right thing and protected your daughter.

absolutely absolutely done The Right Thing (note use of caps!).
Just tell the police what happened - you don't have to justify your call to them at all.
Hope everything works out alright.

Its the right thing. My inlaws are from hell to, nasty calls and letters. they have nothing to do with my girls and wont be seeing them anytime soon. If shes like this on the phone, she may well say things to your DD too. Does DH agree to this? Im sure your dd would agree if she knew. If she wants to talk to them maybe ask if she wants to write a letter and then you can read before sending and check out letters they send back. HTH

We have tried letters/phonecalls but she doesnt keep it up (DP's mum) and once we let her back in, even if its just a tiptoe in the doorway - thats it. Thats the green light for abuse.

Ive just spoken to DP on the phone and he seems really down. He says he cant remember exactly what got said, it all happened to quickly. I understand his sadness at the situation, however I have just come off the phone feeling like I have done something wrong, I may be me picking up his mood wrong but it still made me feel awful. I asked him if he could contact his gran or someone tonight to see if they are staying local and pass on a message to them not to come over again. He refused, he doesnt want to involve his gran and argued that its not her fault etc etc.
In all fairness though, its not my fault, its his parents and they are his rules, why should I have to deal with them alone?

So basically they waited until the year was up and then started to contact you again?

OMG! you definately did the right thing!

what was the wad of cash for? was she trying to buy your DD? take her for how long?

with previous history you should speak to police, just to let them know, its very odd to just show up on your doorstep and if they do start with phonecalls/abuse them will make your case more.

maybe sit down with your DP and explain situation to your DD, you dont have to go into too much detail but will stop her getting confused and if DP's parents do show up again she'll know that its not to go with them?

Beaniesteve - yes, thats what I think. It worries me that they are so calculating.

Otter - They always try to buy us. Dp's grandpa died and left his children a LOT of money, some of which was supposed to go to the grandchildren. DP got a very measly sum (thats not the issue, i know)wrapped up for christmas, when he refused it, abuse follwed. They have no idea - honestly! That was his inheritance, his grandpas dying wish! They have spent at least £75k on hair extensions, rennie mackintosh doors, caravan and 4x4 and lots of Buckfast/tennants I should imagine! LoL!
I have no idea where or what she wanted to do with DD, she never got the chance to explain.

Nixz - best well out of the situation, very worrying that they waited a year then started up again.

Watch this space - i doubt very much that they will walk away from this with no revenge plans.

I hope you can get the support from the police that you need.

Nixz, poor you. It's an impossible situation.

As you said in an earlier post, you shouldn't have to deal with this alone, and this is why I think you need to involve the police. Even if they do nothing now, the fact of the injunction will make sure that they take it seriously. And if there is trouble again, it will help you no end to have this incident formally logged.

But your poor DP will always be conflicted about this; however awful they are and however badly they treated him, it is still his family, and he will feel guilty. Your job is to keep a clear head, and to protect your dd, who is clearly in danger from these people. And you're doing that very well.

And I don't think DD will be able to take an informed decision about her until she is at least 16; you need to protect her from these people, no matter that they are related.