Friends not posting of a night out with me but do when they are with other friends?

[athenaswrath]

Hi, I know this prob sounds really silly and maybe it is but I just feel like my friends are ashamed of me or something, when I have nights out with a couple of friends they never put a picture up on Facebook, insta or snapchat of us but everytime they are out with other mates I always see stories of them together and posts on Facebook. It just makes me feel like maybe they are embarrassed or don’t want to show others that they have been out with me? Am I over thinking this? It’s just really strange to me that they don’t post literally anything of our nights together out as friends but do when they are with other groups of people and friends.

It could be that their other friends they go out with are more social media conscious, so the friends will say look up, I'm doing a selfie! That happens with me- someone else does it and it reminds me to do one myself for my own socials. But if they didn't mention it, I would forget and just enjoy the evening.

It could be that with you, they're just enjoying the time together and none of you are thinking of it.

Do you prompt it when you're with them? Do you say "hey, let's do a picture now the drinks have arrived", or something? I think you could only conclude they are ashamed of you if they refused to be in your pictures too, or asked you not to tag them!

Do you have other reasons to think they might be ashamed of you?

No I have no other reasons to think this maybe it’s just me over thinking it. One of them took loads of pictures of us having a good time and never uploaded one. The other is a guy mate I think maybe with him he don’t want others questioning him if we are together and stuff like that even though he puts up pictures of him and other women friends it just makes me feel they are ashamed maybe. I don’t get my phone out straight away no I take a few not loads to be fair. For me it’s good memories 😊 I look back and think that was good night if you know what I mean.

in my experience it’s been because they have slagged me off behind my back to there other friends so can’t post photos of me so there other friends see because it makes them look two faced. I’m not saying this is what’s happening with your friends but ide be wary of people like that.

Hmmm I hope this isn’t the case. Yes I am very wary of this sort of stuff to be fair. Maybe you’re right maybe it’s that. 😒

You could always post them yourself.

Are you uploading yours or no?

Inclined to agree you're overthinking as it is a silly thing and you do need to not attached so much (if any!) value on SM posting as opposed to actual friendship. If you had a good enough time to be taking photos to 'look back on' then surely that was a good night that you shouldn't be undermining with such superficial values as what people post about it after, which can be for any number of reasons or quite mindlessly random that really aren't worth analysing at all.

If you are having a good time why do you need to have photos of you having a good time?
Isn't enjoying the moment and your memory enough?
All this emphasis on having to " post photos " just sounds so performative, as though people feel they have to PROVE to the world they have friends and they have a social life.
It's like the Truman show :life isn't real, it's all about performing life for the camera.

Same.

As spare said, enjoy the moment and don't overthink things.
I always think posting photos of an average outing on public forums like fb is odd. The people you were with knew you were there, why do others who weren't there need to know ?
Unless its a spectacularly interesting event.

Its like some ppl think 'we didn't have a laugh, live our best life unless its there for posterity on fb.'

It does sound silly, but if it's happening, it's happening. My sil does exactly the same thing with her child. She's had 'lovely days out' with, and 'special treats' from, all manner of random mates given the honorary title 'auntie', but when dh and I spend time with them or look after our niece for her and share photos with her, these obviously ugly, boring days don't feature in the timeline of 'mummy and baby adventures'.

Maybe they are just able to be more relaxed with you and more able to just be in the moment. In the absence of any other indicators of problems in the friendships, I wouldn’t jump straight to them feeling embarrassed to be friend with you!

I have never thought of this before

yeah i mean it definately happens. not saying it’s happening here in this situation but you never know do you :/

I had that briefly with another friend. Then one night we were out as a group and she made a comment asking the lines of “better not post that or xxx ( friend not in our group) will get shitty again that’s she’s not invited.”
So it could be something simple like that.

Yes. OP, what’s more important — having a good time, or bring seen to have a good time?

This. Unless you’re anything like me and utterly sh*te at taking photos, in which case my advice would be don’t overthink it. If you’ve been out on the night out and enjoyed yourself with your friends, that’s what matters. Who gives a fig about social media posts after the fact?

The only thing that should be keeping you preoccupied the next day is the stinking hangover you’re suffering through - a sign of the good time you had the night before.

I think some people spend too much time taking photos for their media pages. I would not like it if my friends did this.

Imagine your life without social media… it’s bliss.

I don't want what I do to be on social media because to be brutally honest i am not a teenager, there has to come a point where grown ups realise people are more important than social media

I don't post anything without permission and often I just forget to ask. I have certain friends who I know are always happy to be posted so I will generally share those but unless I've checked with everyone in thr group I don't tend to post and often just forget tbh. It's probably nothing sinister

Are you big into posting on social media? If not then maybe they dont think to do it so much with your night out photos, whereas if the other friends in the group are more into socials then its presumably just something they do as part of the 'routine'

Do you post anything on your nights out OP? If not, they might assume you prefer to keep those things off social media. I have friends like this who are quite private, so I'd never suggest I post any photos.

Just a positive comment…. I never post about nights out with my very closest and best friends. Im having too good a time to think about selfies and I don’t take enough pictures to warrant a post. So, it might be a huge compliment 🤷‍♀️

This. You start posting and they might follow