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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help! Just found out he's cheating AGAIN

12 replies

imthinking · 29/03/2025 03:49

Hey everyone!!

Long story short, I've been with my partner for 6 years and we have 2 children who are 2 and 4. I've caught him cheating a few years ago and he was very remorseful and we agreed to make it work. Since then we had our 2 year old and I've felt something is off lately. He's very secretive with his phone and tonight I've managed to have a look and lo and behold, he's cheating again it was there in black and white.

He's not an easy person to deal with at the best of times, and last time I freaked out as soon as I found out what he had done. This time I am ready to do it my way. What is the best way to approach this? I need him to leave our home, I'm done. But I also don't want to be emotionally lead. I want to make it as clear as possible that he needs to go, I might just tell him I don't want to be together because he's shit in bed and his breath smells just to lower the self esteem a bit. I'm livid. Can't believe he's doing it again!!!!!!

Thanks ☺️

OP posts:
Springadorable · 29/03/2025 04:17

Oh you poor thing. Cold and calculating I think. Are you married? What shared assets do you have?

Original poster
imthinking · 29/03/2025 04:42

@Springadorable hi! Not married (thankfully) just share a home, dog, car and children. Luckily everything is in my name (car and rental property) so that's something. I can't get any sleep, he's right here and doesn't know I know yet. I feel sad for the children 😞

OP posts:
MoreChocPls · 29/03/2025 04:44

Get rid. No more chances. Lodge a claim for cms

Original poster
imthinking · 29/03/2025 04:46

@MoreChocPls 10000% that is the plan, no other way around it at this point unfortunately

OP posts:
BurrosTail · 29/03/2025 04:59

Just start bagging up his clothes in bin bags, no point in delaying. He should be out before morning.

Amuseaboosh · 29/03/2025 05:22

Is there someone who can have your children for a chunk of the day today?

Then, is there someone who can come and be with you, while you calmly tell him he needs to move out? Someone strong in their energy and not afraid to take control, if I was your friend I'd be there.in an instant!!

No excessive talking, explaining and do not even remotely listen to him. As a PP has suggested, bag his shit up now, enough for him to leave and then put it outside the house by the front door. The rest of his stuff can be arranged to be collected for a later date.

As soon as he's gone, while your adrenaline is going, remove every trace of him from your bedroom, trust me, this will help later when it all hits you.

And remember, he showed you once who he is and what he thinks of you, you gave him a chance. No more chances.

JustMyView13 · 29/03/2025 05:26

When he goes to work, change the locks, pack his bag & leave a note on the door step saying [OW] messaged and said you can live with her.
No explanation, nothing. And simultaneously nuke his relationship with OW whilst asserting your position.

Original poster
imthinking · 29/03/2025 05:32

@Amuseaboosh thank you so much!! That's really good advice, my parents live across the road from me so I have tonnes of support and they could definitely have the kids, which is a good idea as I can't see him going quietly otherwise I'd tell him to go now.

I will 100% do what you said while the adrenaline is pumping, but for some reason I don't feel devastated. I think I already knew and I have some weird peace now that I know I wasn't losing my mind. I actually asked him a few days ago if he was seeing someone again and he went ballistic so I'm glad it's been confirmed really. It's time to move on! Thank you for the fab advice

OP posts:
Original poster
imthinking · 29/03/2025 05:33

JustMyView13 · 29/03/2025 05:26

When he goes to work, change the locks, pack his bag & leave a note on the door step saying [OW] messaged and said you can live with her.
No explanation, nothing. And simultaneously nuke his relationship with OW whilst asserting your position.

This is soooo tempting. He works in the office on Mondays so this is doable. I could just ask his mum to come and take his things, I do worry how he's going to react though. So maybe this could be the best way to do it

OP posts:
Original poster
imthinking · 29/03/2025 05:34

BurrosTail · 29/03/2025 04:59

Just start bagging up his clothes in bin bags, no point in delaying. He should be out before morning.

I wish I could do this. This is how I was the first time, unfortunately this time I just want a peaceful end to this awful relationship and I need the kids to see as little of it as possible

OP posts:
JustMyView13 · 29/03/2025 05:36

imthinking · 29/03/2025 05:33

This is soooo tempting. He works in the office on Mondays so this is doable. I could just ask his mum to come and take his things, I do worry how he's going to react though. So maybe this could be the best way to do it

Show quote history

His mum will 100% tip him off. Blood is thicker than water. You need to be stealth about it. Then I think when he’s asking how you know etc, just say to him - it doesn’t matter. What matters is you said you wouldn’t do it again, I trusted you. That trust is now broken by you and this is over. Let’s focus on co-parenting the children amicably.

You don’t want to give him the chance to worm back in.

orangegato · 29/03/2025 06:14

Don’t kick off, the colder you are the more it will hurt him. Just feel nothing for him. Only speak to him about practicalities and getting him out. The best revenge is not giving a fuck which also benefits you.

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