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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Where do I start?

37 replies

julieo76 · 28/03/2025 22:01

I’ve been with my partner for 14 years, he’s always had insecurities as he was cheated on multiple times before. To cut a long story short, I work in a shop & there’s a delivery driver that some would find attractive, I do not. My colleagues said as a joke that he fancies me. He has just today waited for him to turn up so he can speak to him !!! My partner also has been diagnosed with a personality disorder & he’s taking steroids for muscle mass. Tonight he cancelled my phone contact & saying our puppy is his,& leave him alone. I’m up in my bedroom ignoring him, but he keeps pushing my buttons saying he’s not paying for any bills or mortgage?? Please give me some advice xx

OP posts:
Seaoftroubles · 23/07/2025 08:54

Leave! He sounds potentially dangerous, especially with the risk of of steroid rage.The 'Doctor' wasnt NHS l assume as his 'advice' sounds bizarre! Speak to Women's Aid for advice on how to leave safely but please do so ASAP.

Original poster
julieo76 · 23/07/2025 14:15

Thanks for your replies. Things have calmed down a little bit, but knowing him he’ll lose it again very soon. Gonna speak to mortgage advisor about buying him out. Just hope it doesn’t take too long. I’m not leaving my house, I did that with my last relationship & lost it 😔xx

OP posts:
Original poster
julieo76 · 26/07/2025 09:33

unfortunately for me he has decided he is not going to let me have the house & that he wants us to sell instead. The house needs a bit doing to it before we can sell, which means I’m stuck with him for who knows how long 🤦‍♀️.
He told me how much he loved me yesterday & that he doesn’t want to lose me, but I’m not backing down this time. He even admitted that he can’t control his jealousy & that he’ll never change.
He’s accepted my wishes for now & wants us to be friends. I can’t see that working out tbh. I feel like I’m trapped. 😔 xx

OP posts:
Maitri108 · 26/07/2025 11:10

julieo76 · 26/07/2025 09:33

unfortunately for me he has decided he is not going to let me have the house & that he wants us to sell instead. The house needs a bit doing to it before we can sell, which means I’m stuck with him for who knows how long 🤦‍♀️.
He told me how much he loved me yesterday & that he doesn’t want to lose me, but I’m not backing down this time. He even admitted that he can’t control his jealousy & that he’ll never change.
He’s accepted my wishes for now & wants us to be friends. I can’t see that working out tbh. I feel like I’m trapped. 😔 xx

I don't understand. You said you were going to get advice on buying the house, what happened? If you also want to sell, you can force a sale. You should get legal advice.

Original poster
julieo76 · 26/07/2025 12:37

Hi, his reasons for not letting me buy him out is that he thinks he’s done so much work to the house that he begrudges me having it basically. If we put it up for sale now I wouldn’t be able to afford anything that doesn’t need work doing to it. I am waiting for inheritance off my late father, which I’m hoping will help me to buy, but that could take up to 2 years apparently 🤷‍♀️xx

OP posts:
Catoo · 26/07/2025 19:30

Did you speak to your mortgage advisor anyway? Because if you get an idea of what you can borrow, and make him an offer, he might change his mind.

If he doesn’t, he is going to make sure the work you need doing to the house drags on. If so just put it on the market anyway? It’s in his interest too to get the best price.

Get an estate agent to value it as it is now and to tell you how much more you could get with the work done. This will also help you if you do decide to persuade him to let you buy him out.

Original poster
julieo76 · 01/08/2025 23:12

thank you for your replies. I have spoke to mortgage broker & she thinks she can help me out, which is a massive weight off. Today ex talking about taking his own life as ‘ I’ve abandoned him & not helping him sort out his mental health’
Ive got in touch with his best friend & his brother to tell them this. I don’t know if if this to make me feel guilty or he’s actually contemplating it. I’m so in a bad place right now 😔

OP posts:
PruthePrune · 02/08/2025 10:54

The suicide threats are a classic manipulation tactic, don't be drawn in by them, Anything he chooses to do is NOT YOUR FAULT. You are going to be much better off without him.

Original poster
julieo76 · 03/08/2025 18:35

Thank you for your reply. I totally agree x

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Original poster
julieo76 · 06/03/2026 21:21

So just an update, as of July 2025 I decided to end it & we lived together for 6 months, he accepted it was over but had to sort out me buying him out & him getting a place. It was so hard in the beginning, lots of rows, but then we both accepted that separation was the only forward. He moved out 4 weeks ago, I got to buy him out by remortgaging & I am in such a good place now mentally. Obviously it’s a bit hard financially but I’m not struggling thankfully. He still sees the dog & we have remained friends. So my advice to anyone in the same boat, is don’t be scared it’s the best decision I could’ve made xx

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 06/03/2026 21:47

How is your relationship with your son now OP?

Original poster
julieo76 · 06/03/2026 21:51

hi, me & my son are so close now, he’s happy to be back home with me x

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