Where do I start?

[julieo76]

I’ve been with my partner for 14 years, he’s always had insecurities as he was cheated on multiple times before. To cut a long story short, I work in a shop & there’s a delivery driver that some would find attractive, I do not. My colleagues said as a joke that he fancies me. He has just today waited for him to turn up so he can speak to him !!! My partner also has been diagnosed with a personality disorder & he’s taking steroids for muscle mass. Tonight he cancelled my phone contact & saying our puppy is his,& leave him alone. I’m up in my bedroom ignoring him, but he keeps pushing my buttons saying he’s not paying for any bills or mortgage?? Please give me some advice xx

Leave! He sounds potentially dangerous, especially with the risk of of steroid rage.The 'Doctor' wasnt NHS l assume as his 'advice' sounds bizarre! Speak to Women's Aid for advice on how to leave safely but please do so ASAP.

Thanks for your replies. Things have calmed down a little bit, but knowing him he’ll lose it again very soon. Gonna speak to mortgage advisor about buying him out. Just hope it doesn’t take too long. I’m not leaving my house, I did that with my last relationship & lost it 😔xx

unfortunately for me he has decided he is not going to let me have the house & that he wants us to sell instead. The house needs a bit doing to it before we can sell, which means I’m stuck with him for who knows how long 🤦‍♀️.
He told me how much he loved me yesterday & that he doesn’t want to lose me, but I’m not backing down this time. He even admitted that he can’t control his jealousy & that he’ll never change.
He’s accepted my wishes for now & wants us to be friends. I can’t see that working out tbh. I feel like I’m trapped. 😔 xx

I don't understand. You said you were going to get advice on buying the house, what happened? If you also want to sell, you can force a sale. You should get legal advice.

Hi, his reasons for not letting me buy him out is that he thinks he’s done so much work to the house that he begrudges me having it basically. If we put it up for sale now I wouldn’t be able to afford anything that doesn’t need work doing to it. I am waiting for inheritance off my late father, which I’m hoping will help me to buy, but that could take up to 2 years apparently 🤷‍♀️xx

Did you speak to your mortgage advisor anyway? Because if you get an idea of what you can borrow, and make him an offer, he might change his mind.

If he doesn’t, he is going to make sure the work you need doing to the house drags on. If so just put it on the market anyway? It’s in his interest too to get the best price.

Get an estate agent to value it as it is now and to tell you how much more you could get with the work done. This will also help you if you do decide to persuade him to let you buy him out.

thank you for your replies. I have spoke to mortgage broker & she thinks she can help me out, which is a massive weight off. Today ex talking about taking his own life as ‘ I’ve abandoned him & not helping him sort out his mental health’
Ive got in touch with his best friend & his brother to tell them this. I don’t know if if this to make me feel guilty or he’s actually contemplating it. I’m so in a bad place right now 😔

The suicide threats are a classic manipulation tactic, don't be drawn in by them, Anything he chooses to do is NOT YOUR FAULT. You are going to be much better off without him.

Thank you for your reply. I totally agree x

So just an update, as of July 2025 I decided to end it & we lived together for 6 months, he accepted it was over but had to sort out me buying him out & him getting a place. It was so hard in the beginning, lots of rows, but then we both accepted that separation was the only forward. He moved out 4 weeks ago, I got to buy him out by remortgaging & I am in such a good place now mentally. Obviously it’s a bit hard financially but I’m not struggling thankfully. He still sees the dog & we have remained friends. So my advice to anyone in the same boat, is don’t be scared it’s the best decision I could’ve made xx

How is your relationship with your son now OP?

hi, me & my son are so close now, he’s happy to be back home with me x

I think my ex is stalking me now. I’ve blocked him on everything but still feel unsettled 🤦‍♀️

You've lived with him for 14 years with a PD. This is the steroids talking which will always have mood swings with increased aggression.
He's turned into a nasty piece of work and would suggest that you think very carefully about whether you can stay with someone like this.

Maybe consider selling and buying somewhere new that your ex has nothing to do with. His pd probably means that he considers somehow you've robbed him of his house and you've won so the stalking might be part of that, he'll conveniently forget he was bought out, he also knows where you live of course. Just make a totally fresh start, somewhere you choose with your son.

Thanks for your replies. He hasn’t physically been stalking me. More online. Using different Facebook profiles & following me on Strava etc. I’ve heard through mutual friends that he still thinks I’m seeing the ice cream guy in work & that he’s found out where he lives & going to tell his wife !! I still don’t even say more than 2 words to the guy. He is totally insane !! I’ve blocked him now on everything. Thing is selling the house wouldn’t really make a difference as he knows where I work, so hopefully he’ll get bored soon & move on. Xx

So yesterday ex actually had the nerve to send a letter to the ice cream man’s wife, saying there was something going on with us !!! She contacted me, wanting to know why was he saying all that & how the hell did he find her name & address 🤦‍♀️ when I told her he was mentally unstable, she got very worried & has now reported to the police. I’m thinking of doing the same. This is harassment right ??

Edited as I see this ask was ANCIENT

Yes, contact the police and let them know what he's been doing. That way, they've got corroboration from the ice cream man's wife and are more likely to take it seriously. Hopefully them speaking with him will get him to back off.