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Confused

4 replies

Miggles34 · 27/03/2025 18:43

My DH and I have been together for 32yrs(married for 2 yrs). We recently went to the funeral of my DH old friend. His X wife was there with her mother and sister. His X had ended their marriage 34yrs prior by suggesting they move their caravan(living in it in her mothers yard while saving for a house deposit) into a caravan park. She set the van and annexe up the same way it had been at her mothers place but made an excuse not to stay the night. The next day when my DH went to the wardrobe/cupboards he saw none of her clothes etc were there and realised she hadn't moved in. Soon after he found out, he thinks from her brother she had left him for someone who worked at the same factory as her and her mother. I ran into her at the toilets after the service. (I had never met her before). There was a short polite conversation between us while her mother and sister were in the toilet. There was no discomfort or awkwardness on my part and I felt it was a case of 2 strangers on neutral ground at the same occasion. Later at the wake she invited my DH to their table as her mother wanted to say hi to him.( I believe it was a set up) He asked me what I thought we should do to which I said, whatever he decided was fine by me. Neither of us had a problem with it. It was a funeral and the past was in the past and had always been that way. While her mother kept my DH talking and her sister was scrolling on her MBL the X said to me, "so, how is he. How's he been. I thought she was just making conversation and asking after his health and general well being. So I said, yes he's good. He's fine. She said, "cos I know what he can be like". I was like ok, that's not what your asking and looked at her. She said, "oh yeah I know what he can be like, you don't have to tell me. I know, I know. I was confused and shocked. What the hell was she doing. I'm his wife.(have you no respect). It's 34yrs since you've even layed eyes on him and we're at a funeral and have you forgotten what you did and how you had treated him. I was dumbfounded and very annoyed. Shortly after they said they had to go and left the table to say goodbye to the wife of the friend who'd passed away. We left the table to do the same soon after to find they were standing around the corner still waiting. So we waited in the same area. My DH went to the toilet and in the short time he was away the X's sister who was standing near by me said "so, does he treat you well". Shock horror. I was still trying to process what the X had said. All I could manage was yes, yes he does. We have been together 32yrs. To which she replied. "Oh that's good. That's really good". Then my DH returned and without saying goodbye to the wife of the friend who'd passed away they left. To be clear, my DH is a lovely man of good character who has always treated me with Love and kindness. My question is? Does anyone have any idea's as to why they would that. What were they hoping to get out of it. Apologies this is so long. I would appreciate any feedback.

OP posts:
mrandmrsrobinson · 27/03/2025 18:48

She probably created a narrative 32 years ago about your DH's character to justify the breakdown of the marriage and has been peddling the same narrative all those years. It's a thing narcs do.

Miggles34 · 28/03/2025 10:19

Thank you for your thoughts and comment on my question. You are probably quite right. In a conversation we had with the wife of my DH's friend who had passed away a few months after the funeral where we told her what had been said at the funeral, the wife said to my DH, "well, people change". We know the wife and my DH's X had reconnected a few years after my DH and his X had split up and has maintained that connection. It sounds like my DH's X has told her own version of the truth. Unfortunately the wife's comment got lost in conversation so we never asked her what she meant by, "well people change". I was not concerned about what the X had said at the funeral. It was about why she and her sister had said it. My goodness, it was 34 yrs ago. We were at a funeral, and I am her X's wife and partner of 32yrs. Completely innapropriate and irrelevant on every level and considering how the X had treated my DH. What was she thinking. My DH had no problem with accepting the invite to their table as he has no baggage from the past and assumed his X would have been on the same page. My DH would have been fine with a hello how are you in passing but in the cicumstances believed we were doing the right thing by accepting her invite. To have her and her sister say negative things about my DH to me was confusing and unacceptable. I guess I will never make sense of it and will have to be satisfied with knowing we walked away from the situation with our dignity and self respect. Which is much more than they did. This forum is a great place to express things and get feed back from other people.

OP posts:
Bigpakchoi · 28/03/2025 10:52

Sounds like the X regrets her actions with your DH and the fella she ran off with did not turn out to be grass is greener etc.

I would just put their comments down to nosiness and possibly a bit of shit stirring - you are happily married 32 years later and maybe she thinks that could have been her if she had not run off with the other chap.

Definitely regret on her part - if your DH had done anything wrong she would not have come over to say hello with sister in tow and she certainly would not engineered DH to come to their table to say hello to her Mum.

Ignore and move on - lucky escape for your DH from this X.

Miggles34 · 28/03/2025 12:58

Thank you for your comment.

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