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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice on how to detach from narcissist

2 replies

Singlemom2023 · 27/03/2025 12:15

Hi, I'm hoping to get some advice on how to detach and be happy, have peace from my partner/ex who's a lazy selfish negative narcissist. I'm ready to kick him out for good but I'm a few months pregnant - very high risk and my 2 year old toddler is having the typical toddler issues at the moment and my mental health isn't the best. So even though my son's father does very little, even that very little I need at the moment or I feel I will loose it altogether. I want to establish a way, if possible, to not allow him to impact my moods so much. He's lazy, can't hold down a job, sleeps all day, stays up alright, does very little in terms of parenting my son or household duties, he moans and is constantly asking for sex. He regularly disappears as well. I get frustrated when I'm running around in pain due to pregnancy, managibg my toddler, sleep deprived and he's in bed sleeping in my house doing nothing. I don't want to break up with him just yet because when I have before he won't see my son and I can't cope at the moment with 24/7 parenting with no break and being pregnant, and I'm going to be restricted on what I can do even more so down the line due to pregnancy complications. I don't want to live in a state of frustration and anger due to being treated so badly and living so unfairly - thanks.

OP posts:
MattCauthon · 27/03/2025 16:19

The only way is to expect nothing from him. But the main reason you aren't breaking up is becuase you do still want something from him. So I am afraid to say I don't think it will be possible.

You shold end it. the constant waiting for him to step up will be more upsetting than just accepting he won't and not having to see/speak to him.

NimbleTiger · 28/03/2025 15:00

Look up the grey rock method for starters...then start reading about NPD behaviour to understand where you are at. Qoura site has hundreds of information and scenarios from people who have been in the same situation 'narcissist ' is a specific type and he may just be a useless jerk ...... read up on narcissistic behaviour and then take the steps to free yourself it's a long haul especially with 2 dc but will give you all a better life once you've achieved freedom..... hugs

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