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Relationships

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Original poster

Lads holiday lies

44 replies

Thirtysomethingmumof2 · 27/03/2025 12:09

Just wondering if I’m over reacting , so me and my partner have been together 5 years, we have a two year old daughter and I have a 9 year old from a previous relationship. Since getting together my partner has made it clear he likes to go out with friends & holiday with friends ect which I didn’t mind hes sociable.
My partner is ten years older than me so I did think when we had our daughter he would calm down, and I did say I didn’t feel comfortable with the holidays abroad as a have little to no contact from him and he’s going with single friends. He does go on nights out and works away alot in the week and stays in hotels ect We have also moved to a new area I’m unfamiliar with recently to be nearer his family so I feel quite lonely.
So he recently told me he was going away on a work trip with all his friends he works with to Tenerife, only to discover mid way through the trip he was actually with another group of friends and it was nothing to do with work it was actually just a lads holiday he had organised . When I challenged him when he returned he said he lied because he knew I wouldn’t like him going and I’m paranoid, I don’t want to be controlling but the lying and lads holidays don’t sit well with me .

OP posts:

WildPoet · 27/03/2025 15:52

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

JustWalkingTheDogs · 27/03/2025 16:00

Why did you move closer to his family, it sounds like you are the one who needs the support structure if he’s swanning off all the time. I’d consider moving back.

tbh the lies would be a deal breaker for me, he clearly doesn’t give a shit about your or your dc, his primary concern is his mates and enjoying himself

ThejoyofNC · 27/03/2025 16:10

Sounds like he wants to be single when it suits him and then in a relationship the rest of the time. Not someone I'd be interested in spending any more time with.

Plumedenom · 27/03/2025 16:14

You moved your nine year old away from his friend's for this guy? I would be having a few second thoughts too. He is a liar. Simple as that. Do what you will with that fact.

DaisyChain505 · 27/03/2025 16:27

OpenOliveCat · 27/03/2025 15:43

Which year has he been transported from 2000?
Lads and girls' holidays are a bit old hat. They were a hotbed for dishonesty...

I'd be saying no way, either settle down or leave...

This is purely a reflection of your experiences and opinions.

I go away multiple times a year with girlfriends and my husband takes trips with his friends.

We both trust each other 100% and I wouldn’t dream of asking him to stop doing this nor would I put up with him asking me to stop.

We are in an extremely happy and committed relationship and we shouldn’t have to sacrifice being independent people and still having our own lives to be together and have a family.

Gloriia · 27/03/2025 16:27

He seems fo be living the life of a single bloke.

Have you met his family and friends, are you ever included in his socialising?

Sorry to say but I would bet he is cheating on his many trips and nights out.

Can't you relocate back to where you moved from?

OpenOliveCat · 27/03/2025 16:56

DaisyChain505 · 27/03/2025 16:27

This is purely a reflection of your experiences and opinions.

I go away multiple times a year with girlfriends and my husband takes trips with his friends.

We both trust each other 100% and I wouldn’t dream of asking him to stop doing this nor would I put up with him asking me to stop.

We are in an extremely happy and committed relationship and we shouldn’t have to sacrifice being independent people and still having our own lives to be together and have a family.

Show quote history

Nevertheless the op isn't happy. He's lying.
Hardly the foundations for trust...

HappiestSleeping · 27/03/2025 17:44

I am a man (FWIW) and while I have good friends, I can't really imagine wanting to go away for any length of time without my wife. Oddly, I married her as I enjoy her company and like to share experiences with her.

Each to their own and all that, but that's my 2p worth.

Sassybooklover · 27/03/2025 18:45

Your partner doesn't need to go on a lads holiday, that's what we do when we're young and single. He's neither. Nothing wrong in having a night out with your friends, but going away for weekends and holidays, isn't necessary. Your partner works away a lot and therefore you'd think he'd want to spend time with his family, as much as possible. Clearly his priority is his friends, and going out, and his family is low on the list. It's obviously something he's done for a very long time, even before you met, and he's not going to change. You need to think about what you want and decide if this is how you want the relationship to continue?

Chewbecca · 27/03/2025 18:47

Speak for yourself, I am 50 something and thoroughly enjoy a few nights away with the 'girls'. As well as many holidays with my DH. Hope it never stops!

mounjaromarc · 27/03/2025 18:54

Do you get to go away at all? What time do you get for yourself? You say you are lonely, what is your network like? What does he do for you?

It's all a matter of balance, what balance do you think you have?

2becomeazoo · 27/03/2025 19:02

His work magically has a trip with his work mates to Spain are you honestly believed him.
why do you let him treat you like this. He doesn’t have to go on every lads night out or trip he does it because he can.

oerhapso it’s time to find someone who treats you like an equal

TwistedWonder · 27/03/2025 19:05

Chewbecca · 27/03/2025 18:47

Speak for yourself, I am 50 something and thoroughly enjoy a few nights away with the 'girls'. As well as many holidays with my DH. Hope it never stops!

I was married 27 years and did at least two weekends a year away with my friends.

A group of my mates go to Benidorm every year - most of them married with kids and they’re mid/late 50’s

It’s fine but it has to be fair and work for both partners. In this case it’s the lies, not the holiday that’s the problem

VoodooQualities · 27/03/2025 19:12

There's absolutely nothing wrong with going on single-sex holidays with your friends, as long as you both get to do it.

Sounds to me though that in your relationship OP, it's all a bit one sided and you're not too happy about it.

At the end of the day, this is who he is. It's not like he's hidden this from you. Until now, when he's chosen to lie to you because...? Why? He thinks you disapprove?

Brigitte33 · 27/03/2025 19:18

Seems like you have made big sacrifices for the benefit of your relationship and family and he is unwilling to make any sacrifices and changes to his lifestyle. He knows very well you would like him to make a change, so therefore he lies because he knows he's letting you down and tries to make it a 'you' problem (blames your paranoia etc) which is downright manipulative.
You need to have a brutal conversation with him and ask where his priorities lie.

GreyCarpet · 27/03/2025 19:36

Since getting together my partner has made it clear he likes to go out with friends & holiday with friends ect which I didn’t mind hes sociable.

So why...

My partner is ten years older than me so I did think when we had our daughter he would calm down, ?

He obviously shouldn't have lied about this holiday but he hardly misled you about who he was.

Why on earth did you assume he'd become a completely different person after having a child just because he's 10.years older than you.

If anything, that just showed how unlikely he was to change. He's been who he is for a very long time.

GreyCarpet · 27/03/2025 19:40

Nothing wrong in having a night out with your friends, but going away for weekends and holidays, isn't necessary.

I do all sorts of things that aren't necessary just because they're fun.

TheWolfHouse · 27/03/2025 21:20

Aghh, OP appears to have just posted once. So not sure there is any point posting 😅

CestLaVieYouSee · 14/05/2025 14:51

It’s a big lie that, I think you know deep down this isn’t your for ever more partner.

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