Am I in the wrong?

PinotBlank · 2025-03-27T09:27:44+00:00

In the process of divorce, we have 2 children, 1 is disabled and I care for them full time. Ex still living in the house as it's council, joint tenancy. He's on LCWRA which is added to our UC claim. We have no other income and he doesn't work. There are debts and we basically scrape by each month. Ex thinks I should just give him the £400 of the LCWRA on the 7th as it's "his" so he has some money to live in when he goes to his sisters. I've said he needs to make a separate claim so I can do the same as he's leaving us with hardly any money. I would also do a single claim and wouldn't lose out at all and could still pay for everything. To me this is family money, his contribution to the bills and the debts and food etc. He is saying I'm unreasonable and selfish and he "knew I would be like this" apparently. I'm I in the wrong?

Original poster

PinotBlank · 27/03/2025 09:34

We literally have zero spare money. I've currently £100 in the bank that has to last till 7th Apr. Luckily I've got food in.

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ImmortalSnowman · 27/03/2025 09:40

Why haven't you already made a single claim if you are divorcing? Do that ASAP. He can do the same and get an advance.

Only one of you will get the housing costs but pay it directly to landlord.

pimplebum · 27/03/2025 09:43

Sorry I don’t know what LCWRA is and I found UC so hard to apply for I never got any but will try to be helpful

am I right you are all still in the house together ?
he is leaving to live with his sister ? If so , hopefully she can support him in terms of food and bills ?? So therefore obviously you need the money and should keep it

you are on a knife edge financially and divorcing for good reasons so shitty situation all round , sorry not helpful but wish you all the best , remember to tell all your bill provider and bank About your disabled son and divorce Also reach out to any charity that can help

he’s a knob and this time next year all this shit will be over

Original poster

PinotBlank · 27/03/2025 09:45

ImmortalSnowman · 27/03/2025 09:40

Why haven't you already made a single claim if you are divorcing? Do that ASAP. He can do the same and get an advance.

Only one of you will get the housing costs but pay it directly to landlord.

I actually didn't realise you could until today. Do you know what will happen to his claim if he does? Will mine stop and we will be left with nothing?

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Original poster

PinotBlank · 27/03/2025 09:48

pimplebum · 27/03/2025 09:43

Sorry I don’t know what LCWRA is and I found UC so hard to apply for I never got any but will try to be helpful

am I right you are all still in the house together ?
he is leaving to live with his sister ? If so , hopefully she can support him in terms of food and bills ?? So therefore obviously you need the money and should keep it

you are on a knife edge financially and divorcing for good reasons so shitty situation all round , sorry not helpful but wish you all the best , remember to tell all your bill provider and bank About your disabled son and divorce Also reach out to any charity that can help

he’s a knob and this time next year all this shit will be over

It's a top up benefit for those who aren't in the position to work right now, either through disability or mental health. He's got ADHD and hasn't worked for years.
I'm just worried that if I go and do a single claim that they will stop the money that's due in 10 days. I didn't even know you could do a single claim while the person still lives in the house.

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pimplebum · 27/03/2025 09:51

Go to Doctors for food bank vouchers
also when I was on skid row I sold things that rich people had put outside their homes ( 2 Dyson hoovers free , needed good clean and sold on for £30 each)
my local Facebook page has 20 thousand people on it , ask for stuff for free to sell , I recently gave away a working printer worth £20 and sold my kids school shoes for £3
….all a faff I know but may take heat out of dispute

if you are not in monied. area join the Facebook if your nearest fancy area

Original poster

PinotBlank · 27/03/2025 09:53

I'm going to do the single claim off my own back today. I've just read that I can get an advance to cover any shortfall.
Apparently now, I'm an abuser because I didn't give him free access to the universal credit 🙈

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Original poster

PinotBlank · 27/03/2025 10:20

pimplebum · 27/03/2025 09:51

Go to Doctors for food bank vouchers
also when I was on skid row I sold things that rich people had put outside their homes ( 2 Dyson hoovers free , needed good clean and sold on for £30 each)
my local Facebook page has 20 thousand people on it , ask for stuff for free to sell , I recently gave away a working printer worth £20 and sold my kids school shoes for £3
….all a faff I know but may take heat out of dispute

if you are not in monied. area join the Facebook if your nearest fancy area

I attended the local women's centre last week who said we could get food bank vouchers from them thankfully.

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Original poster

PinotBlank · 27/03/2025 10:22

I updated my universal credit journal telling them what's happening and he's LIVID 🙈
Happy to leave us £400 short next month though.

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Original poster

PinotBlank · 27/03/2025 11:58

He's rang DWP and put in for a separate claim. This triggered me to get an email to update my claim to a single one, which I have done.
I wonder if he will end up getting reassessed for LCWRA now? 😬
Either way, he's so pissed off that I didn't just give him £400.

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Codlingmoths · 27/03/2025 12:01

Well done op, excellent job on taking control. He’s leaving, he’s not taking care of his kids and feeding them. You don’t owe him a penny.

Snugglemonkey · 27/03/2025 12:09

Heis prioritising himself, so his interests are being looked out for. You do the same for you and dc, you cannot trust him to put you first. You don't need to worry about him, he can do that very well himself.

CombatBarbie · 27/03/2025 12:59

PinotBlank · 27/03/2025 09:48

It's a top up benefit for those who aren't in the position to work right now, either through disability or mental health. He's got ADHD and hasn't worked for years.
I'm just worried that if I go and do a single claim that they will stop the money that's due in 10 days. I didn't even know you could do a single claim while the person still lives in the house.

Show quote history

I done it, was really straight forward. I'd probably wait til the 7th though once payment has been made.

altmember · 27/03/2025 15:08

He's got ADHD and hasn't worked for years.

You're not in the wrong. The lazy sponging bastard needs to go out and get a job.

Original poster

PinotBlank · 27/03/2025 15:11

altmember · 27/03/2025 15:08

He's got ADHD and hasn't worked for years.

You're not in the wrong. The lazy sponging bastard needs to go out and get a job.

Funny thing is, he's looking for one now. He was happy enough to "run his own business" that basically entailed buying and selling crypto, a failed clothing company, running a "E sports team" and telling other pathetic men how to invest in stocks, yet making literally no money himself and fully checking out of family life.
A proper catch..

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Original poster

PinotBlank · 27/03/2025 17:08

Wow, so apparently he's told citizens advice, our GP, our housing association and a "men's rights helpline" that I'm financially abusive.

He used to be the one in charge of paying the bills but he didn't open letters or even look what was in the bank before spending, leaving us destitute at the end of each month.
I took over doing it, with his consent. I opened a joint bank account of which we both have a bank card and each day, slowly put the money into that bank account. If he needed more, he just asked and I transferred it over. Things like getting his hair done or going to a different town to meet his friend.

Surely this is not financial abuse?

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Original poster

PinotBlank · 27/03/2025 17:09

I even contacted StepChange to get our debts consolidated

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S0CKPUPPET · 27/03/2025 17:16

I know it’s hard but just ignore all the shit he is saying about you. None of it will get you a single penny more from anywhere . Just focus on keep a food over your kids heads and keeping them fed - that’s enough for you to be getting on with.

You are doing an amazing job of taking charge of everything. Have you contacted your landlord to get a new tenancy agreement?

You also need to take all tyhe money out the joint acount before he does. His half will be taken into account in the divorce but you need it now to pay the bills.

Original poster

PinotBlank · 27/03/2025 17:19

S0CKPUPPET · 27/03/2025 17:16

I know it’s hard but just ignore all the shit he is saying about you. None of it will get you a single penny more from anywhere . Just focus on keep a food over your kids heads and keeping them fed - that’s enough for you to be getting on with.

You are doing an amazing job of taking charge of everything. Have you contacted your landlord to get a new tenancy agreement?

You also need to take all tyhe money out the joint acount before he does. His half will be taken into account in the divorce but you need it now to pay the bills.

I've not contacted the landlord yet because he's still in the house. I will ring them though, to find out what needs to happen.
As for money, we are on our arse. I'm a carer for our disabled son. There is nothing in the joint account at all. I have about £120 in my personal account and get child benefit and carers allowance on Monday.
I suppose it makes the divorce quicker though, as there are no assets to divide.

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altmember · 28/03/2025 11:02

The house tenancy is an asset that you need to divide. It will likely need a court order to remove him from the tenancy. He might try and use his false claims of disability and financial abuse to try and stay in the house and have you removed instead. He might also try to say that he's primary carer of your children, although if you're registered as their carer that probably won't stick. Don't back down, but you may need legal advice to make sure you get it done right.

Original poster

PinotBlank · 28/03/2025 11:05

altmember · 28/03/2025 11:02

The house tenancy is an asset that you need to divide. It will likely need a court order to remove him from the tenancy. He might try and use his false claims of disability and financial abuse to try and stay in the house and have you removed instead. He might also try to say that he's primary carer of your children, although if you're registered as their carer that probably won't stick. Don't back down, but you may need legal advice to make sure you get it done right.

Thankfully he's moving to his sisters. It's the other end of the country so all the things he ever said about not wanting to miss out on seeing his kids was obviously bollocks.

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