How to navigate a challenging situation?

[Clarissa62]

I've posted my problem under "relationship" but it spans in to cost of living etc.

Basically I feel a bit stuck & haven't been able to work out a plan to get unstuck. I'm a co parent to two school age kids & have a partner who is a bit older than me. Everything is fine between my ex H.

Up until a year ago myself & partner were renting very close to my ex H and between us we co-parented the kids and life was ok.

Frustratingly our landlord put up our rent to unaffordable level & we had no way to afford it. We renegotiated a rent for the year & gave ourselves a year to sort ourselves out. In that year we used our small savings and moved out of an expensive area, bought a doer upper house in a much cheaper area 4 hours away from the where we lived. If we had stayed in the same area the rental market had changed that much we would have been looking at living in a studio for 4 of us which wouldn't have worked.

We could only get a 10 yr mortgage due to partners age so our monthly amount is high. To keep the impact low for the kids. I moved away and chose to keep the kids with their dad so they could maintain their school, friends etc. I now find myself spending a lot of money coming to look after the kids. I did know the cost beforehand but our options we very few.

To add to our challenges, my partner started experiencing pain at the time of the move last year. We thought he'd hurt himself in the move. But no, this was an unexpected cancer diagnosis late summer last year. It's not just regular cancer either. It's an aggressive form too.

Life has been incredibly difficult this past year. We have just had our 1 year anniversary since moving to our house & although myself & my partner have a good positive outlook on life it's really taking its toll on me. I love my house, but want to have my old life back. Miss my kids terribly, finances are very wobbly and we don't know what will happen with my partner. In my mind I want to move back but cost of living scares the hell out of me and it would mean changing jobs, new location (I think it unlikely to be able to moved back to the area I used to live as it's so far out ££ wise) whilst likely grieving etc. I feel very much different to everyone as my current circumstances are quite unique. Friends are supportive but they don't really "get it".

I'm not sure where I was going with this, I think I need to write a plan, look for ideas, or look for some support but not sure where to start. I have a lot of "fears" for the future.

Please be kind in any response. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

Lots going on @Clarissa62 & sorry this is happening. Being practical first did your partner take out income protection and life insurance when you bought the house? Slightly brutal, but try I g to move when he is very unwell is probably not a great idea, and you are probably just looking to “go back” to a time and place where all this awful stuff didn’t apply.

I think you need to look at where you would live if your partner passed on, and make a move there.
Has your partner written a will, would he be leaving you anything, or would you be managing financially alone?

Thank you @Keepingthingsinteresting , no life insurance but my partner was getting full pay via his work & his sick note and then he's retired & taking equivalent in pension which is something! As I say he is a bit older than I am. As for wills @DustyLee123 we are ironically just sorting that out now. I agree it's not the right time to move. Also I think the good thing is he's not end of life, his cancer is just harder to treat. I'm definitely going to think where would I live without him being here. It's very hard though. The place I've loved for the last 20ys years and where friends are is more bustling and vibrant. We had not many options and moved to a retirement town. People are lovely. Its just too quiet.

I just also feel I'm missing out so much of my kids lives too. They find chatting on the phone a bit much, so it can become a battle & I am finding it so depressing.

I'm just startled you agreed to move 4 hours away from your kids.

Is there any mileage in getting a room in a shared house or lodging with someone, and splitting your time more between the two locations?

I'm sorry about your partner's diagnosis.

Hi @category12 , it wasn't an easy decision but we were really stuck. We could see we'd be likely evicted not too far down the line. Our landlord wanted a lot more than we could afford & income multiple with other landlords would have had us stuck. We got lucky with our previous place.

I think essentially income is the problem. Just not bringing in enough. I was thinking a lot about it last night (and most nights) and will need to focus on that.