Why can’t I stop thinking about him?

[LifeIsARollercoasterYouJustGottaRideIt]

Firstly.. please no judgement. I need to put this out into the open before I drive myself crazy! I will try to keep it short.late last year I broke up with my soon to be exH we have 2 DC under 6 who are 50/50, great dad not so great DH I called it quits and moved out. Just before Xmas came a 5 night work event abroad where a colleague from another area of the business who I see from time to time at our site was also at, instant gravitation, spent the evenings together talking, laughing, taking pics/ videos and dancing it was crazy good I gave him my number a few nights in to which he gave me his phone to enter, the last night I asked for his room key and asked him to meet me, once alone I asked if I could kiss him, he said of course which we did but then said he was still with his long term relationship which I have since heard has been v rocky on and off. I was gutted anyway I left, literally got a flight home a few hours later as the event had ended on that last night that was it he never text or reached out. I thought about messaging him but only really have the work platform to do so so tried to put it to the back of my mind. I saw him for the first time since the event recently in the office and I could see his eyes light up and he probably saw mine, we hugged and had small talk in the lift before we went about our day due to different fields I didn’t really see him face to face alone again but caught his eye once or twice. I’m now back to constantly thinking about the chemistry I have with this man and I feel I need to reach out for closure. Do I message him a safe but suggestive message via DM on our work platform? (Great to see you, when you are next down could I take you for dinner?) a close friend of mine who was also at the event has also said about the chemistry that we had and another colleague who I’m not particularly close to said that if I wasn’t happily married (my pending divorce is not well known) and he wasn’t with someone we were obviously very much each others type - I’ve never felt anything like it before and I just don’t get why he hasn’t lead with something considering he has/had my number (English is not his native language but speaks it v well) opinions on my next move please because every bone in my body is telling me to do something

Sorry I’m not going to say what you want to hear! There are 3 reasons why to put this work romance behind you and try to forget it. Firstly he’s attached and it’s no fun being the other woman. Secondly having a fling with a colleague is a bad idea, and it’s very likely to be a fling only. Thirdly he had every opportunity when you were in his hotel room and didn’t go for it so he’s just not that into it.
Regarding chemistry or whatever your friends and colleagues are saying, truly I’d ignore them. If he’s ever single when you are and he shows a real interest, start very slowly - not in a hotel room at a work gathering..
How is your dating life going in general?

You do nothing.

A boundary was crossed by kissing. He is in a relationship and does not want to pursue anything with you.

Get your divorce and when that is all settled, he becomes single then look at something more.

In my experience that chemistry feeling is never a good sign. And neither is needing to make the first move.

You really don't know him so this is fantasy - which is fine but you need to approach this the right way. It's fine to enjoy a giddy little crush - but keep it quiet. If a man wants you, you'll know about it.

Also, it's dreadful of them but men tend to want what they can't have so it's never a good idea to throw yourself at them. Once is fine, but never let a man turn you down twice.

Are you forgetting he’s in a long term relationship? Speaking woman to woman - don’t be that person.

This wont end well but if I was you I would work on your self esteem issues or whatever else you have going on to put it bluntly

Either he was abroad or you were abroad or you both were, either way he thought whatever you did was gonna stay on foreign soil and not be mentioned again because he has someone else in his life.

This is a rebound, there's always some mad fixation after a long term relationship ends, it's usually with someone unobtainable. Why? who the fuck knows?

He was with a woman out of the country who has recently been through a seperation while his Mrs was at home alone. You're sounding like the star of a Mills and Boon novel over a snog with a work colleague who is showing no interest.
Bet it's stopped you thinking about your ex for a bit though, so enjoy that.

This is a rebound, the chemistry is your desperation. Please save your dignity.

DON'T DO THAT TO YOURSELF OP, YOU'LL REGRET IT
A man committed to another person is never a good idea

good to flirt but I won’t take it any further.

This

thanks all I really appreciate all your replies sometimes you just need to hear it out loud! - just to be clear I didn’t know until after we had kissed that he was still in a relationship but I admit i shouldn’t be having the thoughts I’m still having now which I will not be acting on. As much as the above sounds seedy or that I’m a particular way inclined I’m not , thanks again for helping a gal out !

You sound like a sensible woman in your last post so take this as a sign to kick start your own life, maybe looking to meet someone outside work or spend more time with friends etc.
You can do much better!

I think it’s clear what is going on here. Very typical of married men. He crossed the line by kissing you but is attached and he’s clearly not leaving his relationship for you or thinking of doing so as he’s not making any moves as you said. He probably wants to just have a bit of fun on the side but men don’t usually leave their partner they want both. They all describe their relationship as rocky or lacking sparks etc but this is a line often used to excuse their wandeing eye. He’s not interested. Do the right thing and find someone like yourself who is single. As the other poster said don’t be that woman. Imagine if you were her.
think Carrie Bradshaw. Have self respect and move on.

No. Do not be “that” woman. He is in a long term relationship, do you really want to be his bit on the side?? Nope, you deserve more. Move on.

Who exactly told you that his relationship was "rocky"? If we wanted anything more than a snog from you he would have made his move. I feel sorry for his partner.

I learnt a valuable lesson once (similar story to yours)

”don’t shit where you eat”

i don’t think there’s an issue with harmless flirting when you see eachother but i wouldn’t act upon that. he’s in a relationship and it’s not the nicest thing to go for someone else’s man. imagine if the shoe was on the other foot and someone wanted your man behind your back. try to fight those feelings and find someone else to take your mind off him