has anyone here walked away from 27 years of marriage?

[AuntieMeemz]

Short history, DH has mental illness. I thought it wouldn't be a problem when we got married, I just thought he was a bit odd. It was exacerbated by a life time of severe emotional and psychological abuse from his mother, which I started to experience shortly after we were married. I spent years trying different things to manage the intense impact of her existence, until I finally gave up. DH is a damaged person, who can't participate in any meaningful form of marriage. I then spent years trying to create some sort of marriage. There is no point.
DD and DS are now at Uni, and it's time for me to move on. I have a plan to do it discreetly but my question is, has anyone done this, and how did it go?
I'm not expecting all my troubles to end when I move on, (even though it will only be temporary absences), but wonder what experiences others have had.

Why only temporary absences?

..should have said DH is now on strong medication, which dulls his awareness and ability to think and function, although on the surface, he seems OK. (despite his vast array of nervous habits and nervous movements). Do not think me unsypmathetic to his needs, it has taken up 27 years of my life trying to find some peace and a workaround! We have been careful to keep our troubles away from our teenagers, but now we have done our job, and they are happy and embarking on their lives.

No but I sometimes wish I had….

Bless you, it's not always easy is it?

I sympathise, OP. He was damaged before you met him, you got caught up in it rather than realising that getting out earlier would have been better for you. It is now, as you know, well past time to put yourself and your peace of mind first.

You didn't damage him, that happened long before you ever met, but you've been dealing with the damage and it's negatively impacted on your life. A person can only take so much before they have to start looking after themselves.

You are very kind, Yes, I've given it my all. I'm trying now to work out how to disentangle from him and his family. My plan is to wfh in Cyprus.

That sounds like a good plan. I also spent (too) many years with a man whose head is up his arse.

My MIL did this. Always said the last 3rd of her adult life was better than the previous 2/3rds as a result.

It's exhausting trying to help and support people who're very distressed and disorientated. This isn't about 'stigma' or prejudice, it's about being able to acknowledge just what hard work it is over a sustained period of time. As a partner, close friend or family member you often have to be the person who takes care of the affected individual when they're at their most distressed and confused in the middle of the night or over bank holidays, when services are difficult to access. It's even hard work for the professionals who are able to go home at the end of a shift, but if you're taking care of a loved one you don't get any time off.

I dont have any solutions here, but this is just a quick note to say I know how difficult it can be.