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Original poster

Should he be keener to spend time alone with me

12 replies

Gelatibon · 26/03/2025 13:56

Or are we just different?

I've been seeing man for 4 months. For various reasons, busy lives being the main one, we don't get a lot of intimate time together.

He's planned a nice weekend away, doing something we'll both enjoy and involving a couple of nights in a hotel, where I admit I was hoping we'd spend a fair amount of time. I'd have assumed that what he hoped for too.

Now he's suggesting inviting friends to come with us....They're nice peope who will also enjoy the thing and it will still be a good weekend, but it would be different to the romantic, sex filled, weekend I'd imagined.

At this stage in a relationship shouldn't he be keen to find opportunity too, or is it nice that he doesn't see everything in terms of the sex he might get?

OP posts:
financialcareerstuff · 26/03/2025 14:01

I’m not sure I’d think about it too much from the sex point of view. After all, even if you are with another couple, you will all retire at some point and can do the sex stuff…. Slow get ups too…I’m not sure I’d see it as a requirement that he want more than those opportunities. I think I’d be more worried about the feel of the whole weekend. It does suggest he’s not bothered about time alone with you, romantic dinners, intense connection etc…… I think if that’s the kind of relationship you want (and most do!) it makes sense to be concerned about that.

TwistedWonder · 26/03/2025 14:05

Personally I wouldn’t like it so early in a relationship that others were coming along

Surely at this early stage , you would both want as much time together just the two of you? I’d find inviting another couple pretty strange tbh

Fluffypotatoe123987 · 26/03/2025 14:05

I have a bf who whenever we do stuff like this he makes bloody friends and spends more time with them usually another couple pisses me right off. I cba wirh other people especially people I've not met polite but I cba with others dramas. Last time we went to Amsterdam on the boat and he made 2 couple friends. One was asking for a 4some I told them to fuck off and he was chatting all night with the bloke. The other couple well when drunk her fella tried to push her of the boat. I just cba. So if he's like this and needs others get rid now

Original poster
Gelatibon · 26/03/2025 14:08

It's possibly partly becuase we were friends before we go together so a lot of the things we do together we would previously have done together with friends and he doesn't want to leave people out. He is a very good friend.

He also loves people generally, much more than I do, which has pros and cons!

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 26/03/2025 14:12

I don’t see the issue here to be honest, unless you’re sharing a room with these extra guests you’ll still have time to have sex at night? I’d have been more annoyed if a new partner planned a weekend away and just expected to spend the whole time shagging!

ByGreatDenimCat · 26/03/2025 14:12

I wouldn’t want friends to come along either 4 months in. You can say that. It’s fine.

I think the real issue is that you seem to be taking his idea to invite friends along as indicative of his lack of interest in you. Do you have other reasons to think so? Or is this your past experience colouring your view?

TwistedWonder · 26/03/2025 14:25

Gelatibon · 26/03/2025 14:08

It's possibly partly becuase we were friends before we go together so a lot of the things we do together we would previously have done together with friends and he doesn't want to leave people out. He is a very good friend.

He also loves people generally, much more than I do, which has pros and cons!

So now you’re a couple maybe he needs to realise the his posts have shifted and it’s about prioritising you and not worrying about ‘leaving people out’

Id find it really strange if I was going away with a new partner and he felt other people shouldn’t be left out of your plans as a couple.

Original poster
Gelatibon · 26/03/2025 14:25

Mrsttcno1 · 26/03/2025 14:12

I don’t see the issue here to be honest, unless you’re sharing a room with these extra guests you’ll still have time to have sex at night? I’d have been more annoyed if a new partner planned a weekend away and just expected to spend the whole time shagging!

Yes and to my horror, that might be the part I'm playing!

OP posts:
Original poster
Gelatibon · 26/03/2025 14:36

ByGreatDenimCat · 26/03/2025 14:12

I wouldn’t want friends to come along either 4 months in. You can say that. It’s fine.

I think the real issue is that you seem to be taking his idea to invite friends along as indicative of his lack of interest in you. Do you have other reasons to think so? Or is this your past experience colouring your view?

I have said and he's been fine about it, but it's been a bit of a knock that it wasn't his first choice.

He's very keen to spend time with me, but certainly not all over me physically the way you might expect in a new relationship.

OP posts:
Matthewfrommanc · 26/03/2025 15:55

Completely get where you are coming from and maybe seeing the friends one or two days but splitting up and doing different things is fine but if you have to be with them the whole time it might be abit frustrating especially if you’re in the honeymoon phase.
I remember when me and my wife first got together and we’d go away we would always go back to our room throughout the day to have sex when we had spare time and it’s great when you can be spontaneous about it.

Chunkilumptious · 26/03/2025 16:00

I think you're just slightly different people. Not a bad thing, can be a great thing but you both have to realise his way isn't always best just because it sounds more fun and inclusive in theory. If you don't get much alone time and want a romantic weekend I wouldn't particularly want to share it with friends either.

applegrumbling · 26/03/2025 16:15

Personally I wouldn’t be happy with this, no.

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