Ex Partners

[Ash2345f]

I have been with my current partner for a year now, we are moving in together this week. He has a 4 y old to a previous partner, they separated not shortly after little one was born. He was scrolling through old photos and there were photos of him and his ex, individual pictures of just her as well, from weekends away time spent together etc. When discussed he says he has these as it was a part of his life and he wants to share these with his daughter when older so she can see a time when her parents were together. This has really thrown me off as I don’t understand why he would still have photos of her on his phone I understand a few when they were together - but the full 3 years of their relationship being stored on there seems a lot. Please someone tell me I am just being insecure about this, I do feel like I just need to let this go. Erasing photos does not erase memories. I just find it so hard.

I think his reasons are pretty valid here. If there were no children involved I'd be a bit put off. But I think keeping those photos for his child, so she can then decide what to do with them, is actually pretty sweet.

I can see why it's a tad weird for you, but look at the bigger picture here. He is moving in with YOU. he is choosing to do life with YOU.

Not all breakups are bitter and require delting photos of etc.

Sorry but you’re being completely irrational. I’ve been split with my ex H for 9 years and still got photos of family holidays in my phone. It’s absolutely normal imo.

It’s a big part of people’s lives and to expect them not to have photos is your insecurities.

You’re being ridiculous. It’s his past and if you’re too insecure for that then you shouldn’t be moving in with a man who has a child and ex partner.

Erasing photos does not erase memories.

No, but it makes it harder to explain them to another person and they remind you.

It's not reasonable to expect him to get rid of photos of years of his life because you have challenging feelings about it.

Agree with others that this is a you problem, I actually think it’s a lovely idea that he will have those photos to share with his child one day.

'erasing photos doesn't erase memories'

You don't get to decide that though. They are memories for his DD to have when she's older. Those pictures belong to him and he gets to choose what he does with them.

If you can't handle him having a past then this isn't the relationship for you.

I’ve never deleted photos of me & my ex tbh. They’re all still on my fb & instagram. In fact I reckon you could see my whole dating history if you went far enough back on my fb acc.
A. I’m not very bothered about a curated social media profile and B. It’s all part of my life. Even if I think my ex is a dick now I still have memories / like to keep pictures of the things we did together.

YABVU.

He has a child with this woman. You can’t expect him to erase all trace of her from his digital footprint, and I agree that it will be nice for his daughter to see the pictures one day.

Having them stored on his phone or deleting them aren’t the only two options though; there’s no reason he can’t store them in his cloud and access them that way for his DD but delete them from his handset so they’re not in OP’s face. It’s really not difficult to compromise.

You are not more important than his child.
He has a very valid reason for keeping these pictures for his child.
She's his childs mother. The healthiest situation for the child is a healthy relationship between the parents, and no lingering resentment.

Fix your own insecurity if you want to be with a man who has children.

You're being irrational. My XH was abusive, but I've kept photos of him for my DC. He's still their father and they deserve to have an opportunity to see images of their past with him.

Maybe have a think about whether this relationship is right for you if you're finding photos difficult. This child's mother will always be in your partner's life, rightly so as the mother of his child, but if you find photos difficult, there is much more to come and you'll need to be able to deal with it.

You are trying to be controlling, it is none of your business

My GF has pics of her ex on her phone (not kids dad) - I am not over keen on that but they were together a while and had some good times. Her decision and it doesn't really affect me so while it is a bit awkward/cringe when they pop up I can live with it.

Kids parent is different and to be expected, although I did delete all mine with her in as she was abusive and manipulative (still is) so wanted no record. Of course I can't erase our time together but its was good to hit delete!

I still have photos of my ex dp on my Facebook. Dp has never mentioned it...

You need to chill out otherwise one of you will be moving out as quickly as you moved in... Don't be the jealous woman it's not a good look...

I have photos of all my exes in photo albums (old) & talk to some of them occasionally. Been married 27 years. I don’t understand all this deleting of reality that people expect to do now.

It’s best for the child if the adults have a respectful and indeed fond co-parenting relationship.

I can understand why you might be thrown by this but I do think it's quite a sweet thing.

Perhaps try to overcome your insecurities and realise they did not work out and he's with you now. Best of luck.

If he has sex pics then they need to go but he’s 100% right about his dd wanting to see them when she’s older. Would you feel better if he stored them on an online photo album rather than his phone?

I kind of get where your coming from however on his phone or tucked away in an album somewhere I think is perfectly ok. It's not like it's in your face or anything. My girlfriend has photo of her and her ex husband together in a fridge magnet on display. And another family photo of the next partner after that in the hallway. The children are grown up now but their father and stepfather remained a part of their lives. I don't think you call it out really. Your going to have to adjust to it and accept everyone has a past.

He's doing nothing wrong, you need to get over it or finish the relationship so he can find someone less controlling

Completely agree I was married 27 years and hrs the father of my now adult son. We made great memories of my sons childhood and if a new partner expected me to delete those photos, they’d very quickly be an ex

Long before the Internet and mobile phones.. we had photos developed.
I've a box full of my ex husband with our daughter who is now 40.
She will take them once I've died and decide what to do with them.
Obviously it's lovely for her.. her Grandparents are on then too . If the photos had been on my phone.. l would have sent them to the cloud and then to her at a later time.
I think it's lovely gesture/ memories.
You need to deal with this and seek help.