Does your partner ignore you when your ill??

[LoveChristmas1234]

In the title really, but I'm coming close to ending my 20 year relationship due to many reasons but this has really annoyed me and made me feel shit. I don't get ill often and do almost everything in house and with my 2 kids, but this past week I've had 2 days off work, I work Full time and still done school drops, cooking, cleaning etc whilst being ill.

This Sunday I actually crumbled, didn't want to get up was that ill with flu but had to get daughters milk, then make breakfast. He didn't help get her dressed, he took the other child football practice but that was a first, he got himself a takeaway and ate in car, came in after leaving child with me half the day, didn't even ask me if im OK, if I wanted a drink nothing, I wemt upstairs to lie down child follows me as he can't amuse her at all, so I'm trying to rest with a toddler jumping around my head when I'm suffering so badly with flu! He shouts her down at 5 he'd made himself and her pasta, he then sends her back upstairs to me, doesn't ask me if I want any food or drink or lemsip. I'm literally in bed feeling awful until my teenager comes in and says mum you sound awful do you want any food or drink! My partner didn't speak to me all day, just ignored me then text me at 3 today saying "are you better now"?

Does anyone else's partner do this? Is this normal? Or am I right in feeling he is such a pathetic pig and should be done with him! Im getting my ducks in a row.

Why do you put up with, and enable such behaviour? I would be out of there, no looking back.

Oh OP I’m sorry you are ill. Please stop being tough on yourself. His behaviour is all on him. We women are trained to take care of everything and put up with shit and think it’s normal. Very often it’s what we saw our mothers do. For most of us, it takes time to realise life would be easier and pleasanter alone, and that if we do take a partner, we deserve something much better than this.

to add to the chorus in answering your question, this is shit behaviour from him that reflects really badly on him. I had flu last month, and my DH was literally doing 30-40 things for me every day - constant running up and down with hot water bottles, tea, different foods to try to help me get my appetite, shop runs for medicines, plus picking up and dropping (my) DC, making all dinners, looking after the house, while working from home, and all with loving good cheer. When I was basically recovered but just tired, I was being told to leave it another few days before I took back any duties, and was getting foot massages, and a bunch of flowers even turned up (technically from my daughter, but I know it was prompted by him). He’s pretty exceptional, but At very minimum, a loving partner should be taking more of the load, expressing empathy and checking on you regularly.

by the way my DH is my second! My first was much closer to yours….. I can thoroughly recommend an upgrade!

We've got 2 toddlers so, if I'm ever sick, my DH can't really look after me as such. His job is basically keeping the kids away from me so I can recover and he'll pop in occasionally to see if I need anything.
Your DH doesn't seem to have managed even letting you recover child-free!

I will add in case it adds anything that we have had arguments because, when DH is sick, he expects to be taken care of and fussed over more than me -- which I would do but can't really at this stage because of the kids. I remember putting the kids to bed and hearing DH stomping around the house upset that no one was caring for him and thinking, Why don't you just go to bed and lie down and I'll see you in 1/2 hour when I'm done here? So we definitely don't have a perfect arrangement.

Wow. Glad you're splitting up with him, he's 💩

Its something I grapple with. He has other good traits but he just doesn't look after me when I'm ill. Would bring me up a drink or whatever but works a high pressure job and that's his focus, not cancelling meetings to take kids to Gymnastics, baller etc
My kids are 10 & 13 now so its not as bad as when they were little.

Oh op, I feel for you. He sounds awful, he probably sees you being ill as a major inconvenience to HIM. You've made the right decision. Sometimes it takes a situation to make you realise. All the best

So glad you’re getting your ducks in a row. What a horrible specimen.

Thank you for all the comments on my post, they have all helped in some capacity.

I'm still under the weather but getting better! I've asked him why he hasn't bothered to ask me how im feeling and if i needed anything and like I suspected he deflected it right back at me, said he's sick of always being told what to do, that he does everything and doesn't know what more he can do, he also said if I was that ill I wouldn't of visited my brother on Saturday (it was Sundaymy symptomsgot really bad) i took the kids to see their cousin and uncle, then he said i shouldn't of gone to my sisters on Saturday evening for a curry if I knew i was ill, again first time I've been out in 6 months! I think he hit the nail on the head here with all these comments, he was annouyed at me so he has ignored me on purpose to control me! He has said there's always something- that's me asking him to clean his pots, collect his daughter, move his dirty washing! I said that's it, we're over so I've asked him to move out which he accepted. I'm not modelling this behaviour to my children any longer.

Again, thank you for the comments, I just wanted to come back and update.

That is very good news. Well done! Good luck x

Good luck op! All the best x

I think once you've seen this side of a person you can't unsee it.