Remaining Friends

[MyKhakiCat]

This guy and I dated for a few weeks, and we did have sex and stuff too. We connected really well and enjoyed spending time with each other, had a lot in common. But as more time went on he got in his head and got stressed about the future/questioning our connection/whether he was ready for a relationship after his recent breakup. And he didn't want to lead me on since I'm looking for something more serious, so he ended the dating aspect of our relationship. And I appreciate the honesty and not wasting my time. But he asked about being friends since we have a lot in common and vibe well together. I've never been friends with an ex before, but I don't view him as an ex because we'd just been dating a few weeks. I'm not sure if continuing to be friends would just complicate things and a clean break would be best. I can't tell if his offer is genuine or if he's just using me as a placeholder or attempting to soften the goodbye. I feel like I really liked him, but because we only dated for a short period of time I can't tell if the feelings I had for him were the beginnings of romantic (in which case we should not be friends) or if I just liked his company as a person. Wondering if anyone else has ever navigated something similar? Thanks!

I would say: give it a try and see how it feels. As you say, you’re not sure what you feel for him. If you think you can enjoy just being friends with him and you have room in your life for him (I say this because when I met now DH many moons ago, I was not in the market for just another male friend; I was very busy and had plenty of those already), then you could give that a whirl. If you find it awkward (eg if it clarifies that you do have romantic feelings for him), you can just step away from the arrangement.

I agree that if you do find you have romantic feelings for him, then it’s best just to step away. At least for now.

It's very common for people to start out as flings or dates, decide it's not going anywhere romantic and end up as platonic friends. I've got a couple of friends like this - in one case our ONS was 20 years ago and I often forget it even happened - and I think most of my friends do too.

It's logical, isn't it? One of the reasons you slept with them is because you liked their company. You can realise you're not on the same wavelength sexually or romantically and still enjoy their company.

Obviously it won't work if one of you still has romantic feelings for the other one but that's something only you can work out.

I can almost guarantee that he didn’t actually mean it

and instead will call you in early hours one Saturday suggesting you come around to his “as friends”!

don’t navel gaze about it. I said the same to a guy I just didn’t want to go out with anymore but had zero intention of ever actually suggesting we get together

He wants to keep you on the back burner as the option of a shag.

How utterly pointless. Why would you want to be his friend?!

He’s not that into you. He wants to date other people and doesn’t have the guts to end it properly so he keeps you as an option. Being friends doesn’t mean that. It means stringing you along until someone better comes along at which point you’ll be back where you are now. Cut all ties before you get emotionally involved.

How is it stringing her along when he has literally said he doesn't want to date her and has ended it?

Either he’s saying “friends” just to limit drama of dumping op

or

stringing along for getting horny post pub on a Saturday night and making a booty call

He'll try to move it to FWB.

Read the OP? The question is should I be friends with someone who doesn’t want to date me. Hence my response. And others.

With added benefits I presume?

I'm friends with many people I don't want to date.

It's not stringing along if he says he doesn't want to date her! She's free to say no to the booty calls if they come along. Or indeed yes. Nothing wrong with a post-pub booty call.

I think I’d say you don’t need more friends and wish him all the best.

He likely wants to keep you as an option for future.

Invest your energy in other potential partners for the future.

I wonder what he means be “friends” though booty call

Oh I don’t think he’s doing anything wrong

I did exactly the same. Ended it with a guy but to make the process less drama-ish, I said let’s be friends

and then made bugger all effort to actually realise that suggestion and soon enough… he moved on