STBEX issues with my returning to work

[QwertyW]

I’ve posted something similar a while back but the issues are still there. I’m currently on a long career break to look after my children and I am planning on returning at the end of this year.

I’m planning on leaving DH (other issues)

He’s loved my being off work and home all the time, his hours are better and he can work whenever and not around my shifts. My job is 3 days a week and I feel like he’s going to make my returning to work v.difficult. He wants me to drop a day and just work 2 days per week but my contracted hours are 3 days and I’m happy with that. I did request (reluctantly) to drop a day years ago but my work refused as I work set shifts that they couldn’t cover. They suggested I can always leave and get a 12 hour post elsewhere in the service.

He’s sick of working around my shifts all the time - it means he works more days clumped together rather than whatever he chooses.

When working he would pressure me to go off on the sick for 6 months (if I complained about my knee injury-I manage-or he would want me to go off with stress!)

I enjoy working but now I’m anxious about going back and DH making it difficult for me to work. I feel like I’ve walked into a trap now and he’s too used to me being home all the time.

Planning a separation too so I would have to work! I don’t think working only 3 days is unreasonable either.

Stay strong.

He helped created the children he can help raise them. Working full time isn’t a reason for him not to pull his weight round the house or with the kids. Push back; you want to earn your own money.

What are your plans for childcare to enable you to work once you separate?

Once you separate, he will either pay you a pathetic amount of child maintenance or demand 50/50 once you request child maintenance in order to avoid it. So stay strong and hang onto your career as that will be what supports your DC.

My hopes are that he would look after the children on my 3 days in work but I don’t know if he’s going to now be difficult (when we split) Simple solution is he has them for 3 days then I have them on his working days.

Mine and his shift patterns are awkward-mine is one week working (6 days with one day off) then one week off. H works shifts like nights/long days etc.

Ideally I’m hoping to find a job that has hybrid working so I can work from home when they are in school and I’d be able to earn a lot more when I’m a single parent.

You could ask him what he would do theoretically if anything happened to you, eg bad car accident. How would he cope with the children, household chores etc. Really get him to think hard (say you want to buy insurance to protect the whole family), and then put his thoughts into place if they seem reasonable, ie buying in cleaner, gardener, childcare.

You will need a secure job if you divorce but many solicitors advise doing the divorce before upping your hours/changing jobs as that will impact on the asset division. Considering your financial future has already been severely impacted I highly recommend you seek a one-off consultation with a solicitor to find our your rights, and which path would be best, before you do anything. He's already screwed you badly once, don't walk blindly into another.