Has anyone else stopped being a people pleaser recently?
I went through therapy a few years ago and it became obvious that I was a people pleaser and it was making me unhappy. I didn't really do anything with this information initially and life went on as normal for a time. Last year, I started saying no to people, and what I have found is people generally do not like it.
It started with my family before Christmas 2024. I told my parents they couldn't come for Christmas this year as I wanted to have a quiet Christmas with my own family (husband and 2 kids). Don't get me wrong it was the hardest conversation I've ever had with my mother but my mind was made up. Anyway, I had my sister on the phone a few days later ranting at me for being selfish. It wasn't just calling me selfish either - proper name calling and generally just telling me how shit I was at being a sister on WhatsApp (I think she was drunk). I was so shocked I didn't know how to react. My husband said it was because I'd put in a boundary and she didn't like it. I didn't react to her ranting and this made her worse!
I had felt like a doormat for years with my family and I can see they don't like the "new me".
At work, I have started to not accommodate peoples' request for my time so much. You can see the look of shock on their faces when I say "no". They don't know what to say or do.
I find myself deliberately saying no to things now just to see their reaction - like it's become a bit of a sport, but jokes a side I am irritated at peoples' sense of entitlement and how they think their needs are more important than my own. I didn't realise how bad it was until I started being more assertive. Since being more assertive, I am less anxious and happier but this appears to be making some people irritated/angry with me.
Has anyone else found this?