Partner takes no initative with cleaning up or keeping the house tidy

[DandyTaupeHiker]

I've been with my partner for 4 years.
He's the sweetest guy but my god is it like living with a teenager at times. He's great at doing dishes and hoovering etc but when it comes to tidying up after himself it actually turns me mad.

He never ever keeps his side of the room tidy, clothes all over the floor and piled onto a chair. When I tell him to tidy it's like I've asked him to cut his arm off, throws a full tantrum or says he will then 3 days later it's still a bomb site.

We had an argument today because he was giving off his office was filled with "crap" and pointed to 2 things I put in there, when it's filled with his crap like books and computer leads etc. I spent 2 days last year redecorating and wallpapering his office and it's just a dumping ground now.

He slammed his office door when we had an argument about him not tidying up or throwing away things that he doesn't need (making his office a mess) and he was like "ugh I'm trying to work here" and slams the door.

I'm so worn out constantly having to have this conversation and he doesn't seem to give a shit. I told him if I see things laying around I'm just going to bin them as I'm at the end of my rope here.

Advice??

He doesn't really sound like "the sweetest guy". Sounds like a selfish idiot.

This is him. And you either accept it or move on

I agree with pp that he doesn't sound remotely sweet.
And it's not really about "taking the initiative" tidying up . It's about him being one of those people who seem to actively enjoy living in a guddle. Whereas you aren't.
I don't think he will change because he doesn't see a problem..
I couldn't live with someone like this.
You need to decide whether you can put up with it or whether living separately is the best option.

He throws a tantrum (your exact words) when you ask him to tidy a shared space.

No he’s really not the sweetest guy.

Don’t have children with him. Imagine a toddler watching and learning from a grown man throwing a tantrum because mummy his partner has asked him to pick up his dirty socks off the floor.

I’ve been married to my DH for over 37 years and he still does stuff that gives me the rage, however I’ve learned to live with it, bite my tongue and quietly go about my day. It’s worse since he retired.
You have two choices OP, either put up with it or bin him off

He's a dirty slob who throws tantrums and slams doors when you ask him to pick up his mess.

He's not a nice guy. The sweetness is when you're going along with him. When you ask him to do something, that veneer disappears.

He's not going to change.

Can you live like that for the foreseeable future? Can you imagine having kids and them seeing him keeping the house a disaster site and screaming and slamming doors when you ask him to clean up his crap?

I sure wouldn't. Eww.

A man who throws tantrums when you say no or stop is not a nice or sweet man. What he is trying to do is train you to shut up.

How obedient a doggy are you OP? Enough to stay with an emotionally abusive man for many more years until you become a shadow or will you leave?

Btw, it will get worse, WAY WORSE, once you add children into the mix. He will be the free and single man living with a woman and children whilst you will be the down trodden, worn out, absolutely knackered, perpetually wondering how you got here, emotional wreck.

He’s not sweet. He’s an angry, tantrumming man baby.

For gods sake, don’t have kids with him.

I’d throw this one back.

Ew your sweetest partner has turned into your teenage child! No one wants to mother their partner. Ick