What are the ducks I need to get in a row please?

[petuniasandpetals]

I’ve been married 35 years and together 40. I’m disabled on pip and esa ( national insurance based). My husband runs his own business, badly.
hes always been sneaky but as he has recently got into a lot of debt without telling me, hired staff without my knowledge and taken himself into online dating he’s decided he wants a divorce.
we are both 60 and before I found out about the last deception I was reasonably content to be in a companionable relationship with him.
i think he knows there’s no coming back. Tbh I agree but I’ve said we need a couple of months to think it through.
he only mentioned divorce when I found evidence on his phone.
he won’t move out.
I just want to know if anyone knows if I’m entitled to alimony, more than half the house because of my disability?

Why would you be entitled to alimony on what grounds?

I would:
Surreptitiously gather as much info you can about his income, savings and business - because he will try and hide his assets in a divorce .

Seek advice from a solicitor and find out all your likely options. Go ready with finance info, info on house value / ownership / your income situation

Research what support you would be entitled to as a single person

Do all this before mentioning divorce any further. It will be best for you to be better informed than him. Knowledge is power!

Agree with the post above, get your ducks in a row on the quiet. He will think you are distraught at the idea of divorce, meanwhile you are getting ready to live your best life! I have been through it all myself.

1. Gather all financial details you can locate and enter into an excel s/sheet with password protection on it, that only you know the password of, on your own laptop. Get your own laptop, don't share with him.
2. I would hold off on going to a Solicitor, they will charge you a fortune to give you initial advice that is all available for free online (or on Mumsnet)
3. You should go on gov.uk and read about divorce in the UK. You can go ahead and apply for a decree nisi (first stage) online yourself, select that you want a financial order - this can be either agreed or contested. You want a financial order though - really hard to go back and fix this.
4. Do not apply for the decree absolute (last stage) before the Finances are sorted. Use an approved Mediator to negotiate with soon to be Ex, the law is the law and the baseline for division of assets/house will be 50%. UK family law bases division of $ on who is in the greatest need. Assume no children under 21 living with you, if not no claim for Child Maintenance. You are still entitled to Spousal Maintenance, and given you have not been working and do not have an independent income, I think you would certainly get this. The UK Govt offers a grant of around 450 towards Mediation costs, most are around 250 an hour via zoom, and you could get your 450 to pay your half of the costs. Ex can pay his own.
5. You will need a MIAM from the Mediation, even if Ex refuses to attend Mediation in order to get a financial consent order approved. This is just to state that you attended Mediation. If any domestic abuse, you could apply not to attend Mediation.
6. If he has his own business, he will most likely be making pre tax pension contributions into his own private pension pot. Don't be worried by that as the Pension is usually always divided 50/50. If you have private pension savings, you will need to obtain your own details too.
7. Hopefully you can sort it all out of court for the prelim work. You may just need to engage a family lawyer if your Ex contests (not all are created equal so ask friends for personal recommendations, I have an amazing one but not sure I can state here).
8. Stay focussed on the task of the financial split. Try to put emotions to the side, however hard that is. Write a letter to the Ex, that you never give him to get all the emotions out of your body - and then get to work on your Admin!
9. Good luck and stay strong xxx

Thank you so much for that comprehensive list. I have a tablet but no laptop. I can take screenshots but will try to put together a spreadsheet.
a friend said to see our accountant.
He has given me a profit and loss for the year so far but if he is in profit I don’t understand why he has huge loans which were to pay for corporate tax (allegedly).
im going to try to get into his online business banking as a starter. He keeps everything in a locked office in the garden.
thanks again

Sorry just one more question…I do have a small pension already and another small pot which I’ve not taken yet but I have savings in an isa - will I have to declare those?

I retired early on ill health and am in the support group for esa.

Do all of this, hide your own assets, 100% put yourself first all whist maintaining a facade of wanting to make the marriage work!

You will need to declare your pensions, yes.

Honestly, I would talk to a solicitor early on to give you an idea of how it would work wrt the house etc given your particular circumstances.

It’s the ISA I’m more concerned about. I have saved the majority of it but STBEH puts £100 a month in from joint account. He’s really not financially astute but I’m sure he will cotton on to that especially as I get post through regarding it.
any good ideas gratefully received

Some good advice on her but I would go to see a solicitor soon as you can for advice. In the uk they often let you have half an hour for free. Also don’t hide assets as that will invalidate your financial agreement.

yes you need to declare your pensions/Ida’s and anything else. Why would you expect him to declare things but it’s ok for you to hide stuff….!

it’s perfectly normal tonnage loans out while in profit , particularly if cash flow is challenged

you won’t automatically be entitled to more than 50% of the house or spousal maintenance

it will depend on the overall assets available to split, both your respective needs ( and if he is 60 too won’t be able to get a mortgage either) he’ll need to house himself too , and what his actual income is.

youll need to understand all your benefit entitlements as single person