How many reasons do you give for ending a relationship

[thetorturedpoetsdepartmentssecretary]

I've been together with my partner for just over two years, both late fifties, don't live together. Tonight I realised I don't love him anymore. It's nothing big, just little things like not enough physical affection, no cuddling, used to hold hands all the time, now it's very rare. He's very negative at the moment, hates his job, struggling financially - but aren't we all!

I think I'm going to tell him today, because I don't want to live a lie. We were planning to go away for a few days at the weekend, but it seems wrong to do so now.

I've been thinking about it for a while, I've not been looking forward to our time together so much, breathed a sigh of relief when he's gone home sometimes, just generally not looked forward to listening to him moaning about the same things each time I see him.

I'm not sure how much I need to say. I presume he'll ask why and I've no big reasons. I don't want to hurt him, but accept it probably will. I want to make it as painless as possible.

In the past I've struggled with this in previous relationships and could only really do it when I was angry, but I'm not angry, I just don't think it's what I want.

Any advice?

You don't have to give him any reason. You can just say it's not working for you. Which it isn't.

As few "reasons" as possible otherwise it sounds like a roasting!

As pp said "not working for me" or "not what I want", "run its course, nice whilst it lasted" etc. Not all of those, but that sort of thing.

I'm hopeless at this. I don't want to hurt him or for it to sound like a roasting. They're not big reasons, it's just not working for me anymore.

That just doesn't seem like much of an explanation after over two years.

How do you think he will take it?
is he likely to say he’ll
make more of an effort etc?
If so I’d not give him any opportunity for that, and it’s harsh, but just tell him you don’t love him anymore. That’s impossible to argue with.

I'd just tell him you have grown apart and the connection is no longer there. That's enough.

You don't need to give any reasons, it wpukd be nice to give some examples, but it's not necessary

Just say that you think the relationship has run it's course, come to a natural end. If you really can't find the words, just be less available, don't jump to return calls or texts, if he tries to make arrangements, just be vague & tell him you will get back to him, withdraw quietly. I would invent a stomach bug this weekend, very infectious so he doesn't want to come around.

You don't love him any more.

What more of a reason does there need to be? Isn't that the biggest and best one?

You don't have to give the relationship a post-mortem.

You could do the old "It's not you, it's me"

"My feelings have changed and this relationship isn't what I want any more. I'm sorry to hurt you but it's over."

As the PP have said, keep it short and sweet. It isn’t working for you anymore. Thank you for the time you have had together. Wish him well for the future.

It does feel horrible to do, but you don’t need to have a reason or justify anything.

However, out of kindness of course you do want to explain it. Fundamentally, you just don’t feel right about him. You don’t want to offer him something when you know your heart is not in it and your heart is not in it. It’s not giving you what you need. The problem is if you go down there, I’m not getting what I need path then they might start trying to change things and I suspect that how you feel about this guy is just not right.
you don’t feel invested and therefore the relationship isn’t right for you now. It’s your right you know. You don’t have to be with anyone and I think most people would prefer someone is honest about that rather than just hanging on in there for the sake of not hurting their feelings XX I know I would prefer that myself.

For those saying no explanation needed, I'm baffled. After 2 years of being together, of course, I would expect or give examples and explain why my feelings have changed. There will be a discussion on how each party feels, whether there is a chance of making things better or whether ending it is the best choice. But it certainly wouldn't be, I don't like you anymore, bye 😳. Surely, a heartfelt, open conversation is a better choice?

Don’t let him talk you back into it. It’s finished, and that’s that.

I’d have to be honest with him. It may hurt his feelings, but at least he would have the facts and not be second guessing what went wrong. Please don’t slow fade him or just start to withdraw, how many posts on here have women stating that a man has done that to them, and how badly it messes with their head.

you don’t have to give a reason, the ‘it’s it working for me’ is enough.

but if you feeel you want to, just say what you’ve said in your op, you’re not in love with him and you’ve stopped looking forward to seeing him.

If one party isn’t interested anymore then it has to end. There’s no kind way to do this because he will be upset if he cares about you.

Just be clear that you don’t love him and don’t see a future together. You shouldn’t be relieved when your partner goes home. That tells you everything you need to know.

I spoke to him, but was feeling very emotional and fluffed it. I asked him if he thought we were OK and he said yes, but he understands I'm unhappy at the moment and we should go away, have a few days to ourselves and see how we feel then. I'm going to do that because I'm not sure how I feel at all. I didn't sleep much last night. I've also just started new medication and I'm aware the side effects can be feeling low, suicidal. So I don't trust my thoughts at the moment. I'm going to see how it goes when we're away and reevaluate the situation when we get back. Maybe I just need a break from the stress I'm under at the moment.

Don't let yourself be drawn in again. Think about the reasons you'd decided that the relationship wasn't working for you.