EDIT my phone is dreadful to type the title should be WWUD !! Hi everyone I have posted previously about my concerns with my husband's lax behaviour with our toddler and other issues. My husband and me have been having problems for months, the truth is I probably shouldn't have married him but I was very much in love with him I still love him but the situation has become increasingly difficult. He has sleep apnea which has caused us to sleep seperate even with the mask he snores and it blows air he's had about 30 masks. He's extremely unhealthy in that I think he has binge eating disorder or some form of disorder eating. He literally eats everything sweet junk I can't buy biscuits or crisps he will eat the entire lot at once he comes home with bags and bags of junk every day sits eating before tea. He then usually falls asleep eats tea a large tea with bread and then perhaps 4 slices of toast later cereal drinks nothing but fizzy pop, he's very overweight I'm not bothered but health wise and impression on lo worries me he smokes a lot too all of which impacts the apnea he's not helping himself he eats when tired sugar crashes it's a vicious circle.
At weekend he does whatever the hell he wants he works Saturday has Sunday off Tuesday off having all to himself lounging about while lo at nursery at weekend refuses to come out with me and toddler if he comes to say the park he whines. He basically cannot be arsed parenting. When I had lo 1 week old and 1 week into paternity without discussion work asked him to work away all over UK no pay increase not in contract but he still went immediately leaving me with a new baby. I don't think I've ever really forgiven him for that. That went on for a year, the company collapsed anyway so it was pointless! no you've done a great job to me with our very demanding daughter. Just treat me like crap then too.
Anyway say on the Sunday I need to do a bit of cleaning as I work all week then lo all day Saturday he is meant to watch her Sunday morning, he falls asleep eating rubbish or sits on his phone can't even have a conversation with him due to his excessive phone use. He's only interested if it's something he likes, he's selfish he just doesn't realise what he's got/ had so today work call saying people called in sick what does he do go get dressed to go I'm like thanks what if I was out.. truth is I'm never out I can't leave him with her he doesn't watch her he falls asleep and she's not the kind of 3 year old you can leave for more than a min she's very hyper.so I just said hang on a min this is not happening why should I do it all again this is a cop out for you to get out of any looking after doing anything with lo. Now I understand these things happen but every week for the past months he's doing what he wants I am completely burned out and depressed my job is highly stressful I'm in a legal role, my house is a tip I have 0 time for me I have older kids and a dog too. He called me names today the other day he told me I was neurotic for telling him to get her down off the table before she fell . I said he was a bad person and I'm not being manipulated by him to think otherwise by the names he called me I told him I'm done with this I'm miserable we deserve better it's no life. I pay more than him miles more cover almost everything he earns more too. I cook clean shop the lot buy everything for lo. The only time I have anything different is on holiday even then it's stressful with him I'm a single parent really.
Anyway he's a shit dad basically, but lo loves him as they do he has a few nice moments when others are there or he's showing off. My worry is what do I do he's manipulative and I feel he's going to make out I'm nuts yet my concern is he is not capable of looking after little one on his own god forbid, I mean once asleep he can't hear delivery men fire alarm etc, he's too selfish to stay sat up and awake he just gets a blanket and slobs about all day this is why I stayed with him so I can supervise but I have just had enough. I asked for him to come to counselling months ago he didn't and wouldn't take me seriously.
Any advice appreciated what would you do re contact I do have footage of the sleep situation while he's meant to be watching her. My older kids won't go out of he's here alone say I nip shop they don't trust him either. He's a danger if say she stayed alone with him. He would literally be on his phone 24/7 and even on it while walking shop with her not holding her hand properly I'm literally worried sick. The thing is I trust my teens 💯 they are brilliant with her and really look out for her so I don't think I'm nuerotic I let others watch her his mum had her when I went away a few days etc off days if working late. it's only him I don't trust. Sorry it's long but would you refuse overnights and try and agree something like where his mum's there? I don't trust though that she won't go out she's a busy social life and walks dog loads so I do think she would be nipping out etc.😠her nipping out from a walk is 2 hours! Strangely for context his mum is a health freak completely opposite to him.