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Original poster

Mixed feelings

3 replies

LedKing · 23/03/2025 13:25

I’ve posted about a similar issue on here about a year ago but still a little confused and my heart just seems to hurt sometimes and not sure what going on inside.

I’m 43 and my wife is 53 and been together 20 years. I started a job about 2022 (I was there 2 years) and it was very toxic and not a great environment, but halfway through I got a new line manager who was about 5 years younger than me. First couple of months I didn’t like her and in some ways I was mean to her but eventually we sorted out our issues and in the had a good working relationship and became friends.

I then developed a crush on her, I did nothing about it, I never told her or acted on it and she didn’t have a clue or instigated anything, if we did text or call each other it was always work related. The whole environment wasn’t good or the situation and I eventually found something else and I’ve been gone a year. In that time the feelings didn’t really go away and I’ve bumped into her a couple times and we have just been friends but I know I valued the friendship more than her and now on reflection maybe I had her on a pedestal also the person in my head is not the real person.

She also made me feel good about myself and she looks very similar to my wife, similar qualities and reminds me a lot of her when we first met. I’d say my wife’s health has suffered a bit the last couple of years which gets her down and she’s lost her spark which she admits to but overall she’s still a wonderful person who I love still.

But I feel I made a stupid mistake a couple days ago and I have all this weird guilt. I met up with all my old colleagues and this woman was there and I told myself to try and avoid her as much as possible but we did end up talking at some point, we talked but just as friends but today these feelings have started to come back and I’m angry at myself, I feel like the steps I took to avoid having this crush was a waste of time. Deep down I know it’s wrong and say if she did feel the same way we would never work and my wife is better, while this girl was drunk I saw things about her I really didn’t like but why does it have a hold over me.

OP posts:
Bubblenum · 23/03/2025 13:40

LedKing · 23/03/2025 13:25

I’ve posted about a similar issue on here about a year ago but still a little confused and my heart just seems to hurt sometimes and not sure what going on inside.

I’m 43 and my wife is 53 and been together 20 years. I started a job about 2022 (I was there 2 years) and it was very toxic and not a great environment, but halfway through I got a new line manager who was about 5 years younger than me. First couple of months I didn’t like her and in some ways I was mean to her but eventually we sorted out our issues and in the had a good working relationship and became friends.

I then developed a crush on her, I did nothing about it, I never told her or acted on it and she didn’t have a clue or instigated anything, if we did text or call each other it was always work related. The whole environment wasn’t good or the situation and I eventually found something else and I’ve been gone a year. In that time the feelings didn’t really go away and I’ve bumped into her a couple times and we have just been friends but I know I valued the friendship more than her and now on reflection maybe I had her on a pedestal also the person in my head is not the real person.

She also made me feel good about myself and she looks very similar to my wife, similar qualities and reminds me a lot of her when we first met. I’d say my wife’s health has suffered a bit the last couple of years which gets her down and she’s lost her spark which she admits to but overall she’s still a wonderful person who I love still.

But I feel I made a stupid mistake a couple days ago and I have all this weird guilt. I met up with all my old colleagues and this woman was there and I told myself to try and avoid her as much as possible but we did end up talking at some point, we talked but just as friends but today these feelings have started to come back and I’m angry at myself, I feel like the steps I took to avoid having this crush was a waste of time. Deep down I know it’s wrong and say if she did feel the same way we would never work and my wife is better, while this girl was drunk I saw things about her I really didn’t like but why does it have a hold over me.

You can find other people attractive as long as you don’t act on them especially as you’re married and love your wife. fight those feelings and focus on your wife.

Maitri108 · 23/03/2025 13:45

Chemistry is strange like that, it's like beer goggles. Eventually you sober up and think how did I end up here?

You've got a crush and they're not rational so you can't think your way out of it. All you can do is continue what you are doing which is avoid her until the feelings pass.

aquashiv · 23/03/2025 16:41

Cos it's a fantasy

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