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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Feeling crushed.. what do I do?

10 replies

Monyjuice · 23/03/2025 12:57

So back story.. I’ve been with my partner for 11 months, we’ve had a few ups and downs(we’ve had a lot going on outside our relationship and the stress from it has caused a few arguments which have been quickly resolved) my ex partner has been a massive factor in this, he was extremely abusive towards me and despite me leaving 9 years ago he still tries to cause problems, his words were as I left “I’ll ruin any relationship you ever have” and he is. He’s harassed me and my partner since the day he found out about us, dragged my partner’s name through the mud, claimed I’m cheating on him, he’s cheating on me, you get the picture. My current partner has been really supportive but understandably is getting sick of it, I’ve been to the police numerous times and they have been USELESS!

After the last lot of harassment from him my partner has been completely different towards me, he understands I can’t control what is going on but again, he’s completely done with it. He pulled away last week, I gave him some time before asking what was going on and he said he doesn’t know what to do anymore, that he does love me and that scares him because he fears he’s going to get hurt. I’ve since asked if we can talk and he’s just ignoring me. I don’t know whether to take this as is being over as he’s giving me nothing.

OP posts:
PriscillaQueen · 23/03/2025 13:14

I think you need to seek legal advice because you should be able to get a restraining order or similar to stop your ex from harassing you. Maybe speak to a domestic abuse charity like women’s aid to get the best advice on what to do. This relationship may be over but you need to get rid of this man regardless for yourself!

PriscillaQueen · 23/03/2025 13:15

Do you have children with this man? If not, why is he even privy to your private life?

TwistedWonder · 23/03/2025 13:29

It’s two separate issues tbh.

Unfortunately I don’t blame your recent partner to not want this drama and stress in a pretty short relationship.

The second issue is the bigger one and that’s dealing with getting your ex out of your life. Do you have kids with him? How does he know about your private life?

I think you need to speak to women’s aid to
get sons advice as you can’t go through life like this.

Original poster
Monyjuice · 23/03/2025 13:30

Should have probably added that yes I do have a child with him, he’s only allowed supervised contact with our child which he chooses not to take up and the court order states he is not allowed contact with me, the police are aware of this and have been to speak to him but he denies any of it and somehow he is believed. I get told to block contact, I do, he makes fake profiles. He only tries to come back into our lives when he thinks I’m in a relationship, this is my first actual relationship since I broke up with my ex, but he has physically attacked male friends that he thought I was seeing. Again the police turn a blind eye.

OP posts:
Original poster
Monyjuice · 23/03/2025 13:34

TwistedWonder · 23/03/2025 13:29

It’s two separate issues tbh.

Unfortunately I don’t blame your recent partner to not want this drama and stress in a pretty short relationship.

The second issue is the bigger one and that’s dealing with getting your ex out of your life. Do you have kids with him? How does he know about your private life?

I think you need to speak to women’s aid to
get sons advice as you can’t go through life like this.

I completely understand why he doesn’t want the drama, I do.

Yes we have a son together which he does not see, his choice. Unfortunately he saw us together and he knows of him from school, we’ve kept everything private for this reason.

OP posts:
ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 23/03/2025 13:43

the court order states he is not allowed contact with me, the police are aware of this and have been to speak to him but he denies any of it and somehow he is believed

You need to crack down on this. Make a complaint every single time and involve your MP. Be a nuisance.

Bubblenum · 23/03/2025 13:44

Monyjuice · 23/03/2025 12:57

So back story.. I’ve been with my partner for 11 months, we’ve had a few ups and downs(we’ve had a lot going on outside our relationship and the stress from it has caused a few arguments which have been quickly resolved) my ex partner has been a massive factor in this, he was extremely abusive towards me and despite me leaving 9 years ago he still tries to cause problems, his words were as I left “I’ll ruin any relationship you ever have” and he is. He’s harassed me and my partner since the day he found out about us, dragged my partner’s name through the mud, claimed I’m cheating on him, he’s cheating on me, you get the picture. My current partner has been really supportive but understandably is getting sick of it, I’ve been to the police numerous times and they have been USELESS!

After the last lot of harassment from him my partner has been completely different towards me, he understands I can’t control what is going on but again, he’s completely done with it. He pulled away last week, I gave him some time before asking what was going on and he said he doesn’t know what to do anymore, that he does love me and that scares him because he fears he’s going to get hurt. I’ve since asked if we can talk and he’s just ignoring me. I don’t know whether to take this as is being over as he’s giving me nothing.

get some legal advice asap and start keeping evidence on your phone of all the times hes tried to harass you wether it be photos videos voice notes emails texts missed calls anything you can keep it will be used against him. i feel for your new partner as he just wants to be happy with you but he can’t because of your ex ruining things so it’s time to put your foot down and get legal advice

PriscillaQueen · 23/03/2025 23:55

There’s a lady called Laura Richards on Instagram who’s a criminal expert specialising in domestic abuse and violence against women. You could contact her and see if she has any advice. Keep reporting this because he is committing a crime by trying to control your life and harassing you.

Original poster
Monyjuice · 24/03/2025 19:36

Thank you so much for your advice @PriscillaQueen, I’ll be making an instagram account to contact Laura as soon as I can. I can’t be living in constant fear of what he’s going to do or how he’s going to try and mess up my life anymore.

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