How do I even deal with this

[kuromipal]

STBXH and I will be officially divorced in 6 weeks after being separated for 3 years. I left him as I no longer loved him and wanted so much more for myself. We share a 17 y/o DS and were together for 16 years. We got together when I was just 15 and he was 17, then married when I had just turned 19. We had DS when I was 17.

I was never truly happy in the relationship and believe I stayed because I was frightened to raise a child alone at such a young age. I was unaware of that until I had some therapy in recent years.

Fast forward to now. I am the happiest I’ve ever been. I lost 12 stone in weight, moved closer to home, walked away from a cult type church, and reconnected with friends. I also met my current partner 18 months ago and we are currently expecting a child together. It all happened quickly, but we are happy.

When DP and I started dating, I accidentally called him my STBXH name while sleepy and tipsy! It upset him a lot but we moved on. Last night during the night, I woke up and needed some more duvet and accidentally called him my STBXH name again! He was visibly upset (understandably) and told me to never call him that again. I barely remember doing it as I was half asleep.

There was a lot of discussion around STBXH yesterday as the divorce is getting closer and he contacted me to arrange something regarding DS too. I feel like that is why this perhaps happened, but I am not sure.

I know that once DP is up, he’s going to be very upset, understandably!
I really don’t know how to deal with this. It only happens during a sleepy state when my brain isn’t functioning at full consciousness so it’s incredibly difficult to just be more mindful.

I don’t even know what I expect from posting here, I just feel so sad that this has happened again.

Your DP needs to stop being such a sensitive twat! It's perfectly obvious you aren't pining for your ex husband. You also need to be more careful though.

I should think X is on your mind a lot because of the divorce. Also you were with him for a huge chunk of your life. My now DH did the same thing to me when we got together.
It’s not great but Gradually it will stop . meanwhile don’t get tipsy and try not to speak until you’re properly awake.

Absolutely agree! I am not pining for him in the slightest and know I need to be more careful, but it’s very hard when it isn’t just a slip up in general conversation and during a very sleeping state. 😢
I can understand how hurtful this will be for DP though.

accidents happen and it’s really not the end of the world. just explain to your current partner and give him some reassurance and i’m sure it will blow over :)

if your relationship is otherwise good then your ‘DP’ is making a mountain out of a molehill. Is he insecure in other ways?

He is insecure regarding STBXH, yes! He hates me being in the same area as him. There used to be social situations where we’d be in the same place (local gigs etc) and despite us staying away from each other, DP didn’t like this. He also doesn’t like him parking outside of my house or contacting me regarding DS. He doesn’t try to control these things, but he does make it clear that he doesn’t like it. He is desperate for STBXH to be completely out of our lives.

In DP defence, STBXH hasn’t taken this divorce lightly. He has fought hard to win me back. Sometimes he does try to find reason to contact me about things not regarding DS and told me last summer that I am the love of his life and he will never move on, despite having a girlfriend. This enraged DP and I think he just doesn’t trust him.

Yeah this. I can’t stand my abusive, awful ex but there have been times where I’ve very nearly called my (very lovely) DP by his name, and we’ve been together four years! DP has called me by his exes name twice - and they were only together for a year! It happens, it’s not nice but it also doesn’t actually mean anything. I can’t imagine actually being upset about it or stroppy with my DP.