We had something absolutely awful happen last week. My little girl (2y/o) had a medical event that needed an ambulance and a trip to hospital. It was traumatic to watch, went on forever and when we got to the hospital we were told it might happen again.
We got home in the early hours and I slept with her to make sure she was OK. The next morning my husband drove 3 hours away to meet someone. It could absolutely have been rescheduled. I was left at home, absolutely shattered, trying to figure out if our kid was OK and watching them and our baby.
As the week has gone on, I've felt worse and worse. Suddenty tearful at times, intrusive thoughts about the medical event, insomnia. I've told my husband. He listened and never mentioned it again or asked how I was doing. He actually went and did an extra night of his hobby leaving me alone because he'd missed it on the night when we were in hospital. He's helpfulish, cleans up and helps with bedtime when he's here but then when everything is done, he just plays video games or practices his musical instrument.
Baby is still up to breastfeed throughout the night so even without this new insomnia I haven't been sleeping well for a long time. And this morning it just hit me like a tonne of bricks. I felt absolutely exhausted. I told my husband and he just talked about everything we needed to do today. I said "oh I was hoping I might get a break". He laughed and said there were no breaks for us. I just started to cry and I've been in bed all afternoon. I have never felt like this before.
DH has found family life stressful, and I have supported him as much as I can. I make sure he gets to hobbies twice a week as this seems to help, organise things he'll enjoy, try to help him to recognise and manage his stress. The last time he was looking burned out, I booked him a hotel room for a night and sent him off for a massage. This means I am always picking up the slack. To his credit after a few times of asking he did do a course of therapy because when stressed he was often angry. This is now a lot better.
But, when times are tough he just doesn't support me. He's so thoughtless, its like he doesnt realise that im a person who needs to eat and sleep and have a life of my own. On the rare occasions he cooks, he'll only cook for the kids and he'll eat separately when I would always make him something. I have mentioned this, but he keeps doing it and says he forgets.
He would say that he just doesn't know what I need and would do anything I asked for. But then, I asked for a break today and he laughed. Obviously I'm having some sort of reaction to the situation last week and that's not his fault. But I just feel like a bit of a twat for prioritising his mental health for years, then when I'm struggling he just doesn't care.
I've always said that we don't have to make everything fair and 50/50 and that we should each do what we can and work as a team. Even though it was often me doing more I didn't mind because I could, but now I need him and I feel so let down and resentful. I feel so angry towards him that I want to stop facilitating his hobbies and life in general and make him pull his weight.
I don't like feeling like this, how do I move past it?