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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I don’t know what to do

1 reply

Susa1 · 22/03/2025 16:56

I am so lost in life and I’ve let things go so far let myself go so much I don’t know how to get me back and my life.

I met my partner 5 years ago should have saw the red flags then but I choose to ignore them. I worked ft in a well paid job I was renting a house off family that I was told I could buy when I was in the position to so life was going well then I met him. I fell pregnant quickly and my full pregnancy was a nightmare I had his ex harassing me the whole time and him going back and forth to her telling her personal things about me he used to use the excuse he had a child to her and only talked to her to see that child etc she would then contact me in anyway she could to hurt me I can’t even say everything she did to me but it was horrendous. I stayed with him as I was pregnant and guess just really vunrable at that time. He continued to run to her after every argument we had even after we had our child anyway fast forward 5 years I don’t have a job he made me quit my job when I was on may leave and due to go back said I had to choose between it and him as he was jealous I used to date someone in the work but it was years ago so now am reliant on him financially I have tried to find work and been in work since but none has worked for me to stay with childcare. He is in a high paid role and told me to stay at home till our child was older etc but constantly goes on at me about money. We had a big argument and he said some horrible things to me about my appearance and sounds silly my shoes I can’t afford new trainers and the ones I wear are done but I don’t have money to replace them and I do feel embarrassed wearing them. He’s stormed out says he’s miserable with me and he won’t be back. I don’t even want him back truthfully but I don’t know what to do I don’t even have money in my bank. Just posting on here looking for advice on how I build my life up again. I used to be so independent.

OP posts:
NZDreaming · 22/03/2025 19:28

@Susa1 You’ve taken the first step by asking for help. It sounds like you are being financially and emotionally abused by this man. There are resources available to support - you could contact women’s aid or your local citizens advice centre. They would be able to advise on benefits you may be entitled to and housing options.

Whose property do you live in now? Is it the one you rented from the family friend or one you moved to with him? Do you have any family or friends you can talk to irl?

Looking for a job will be a priority. Is your child in school yet?

Please be careful in ending the relationship, men like this often become violent when they feel they are losing control. Even if he’s never been physical with you before you need to be cautious and protect yourself.

You are stronger than you know, you can do this.

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