Clare’s Law Request

[nat1972]

I did a Clare’s law request on my bf of nearly 6 months as we’re discussing buying a property together.

He’s never shown any form of violence towards me, but he’s been married a couple of times before and both times he’s paid a very large divorce settlement, which I’ve found odd as neither women contributed financially to the marriage. And neither were particularly long lived marriages, or with any children involved.

I have now been asked to come to the police station as they want to disclose some information to me. Does this mean that there was some serious DV involved?

I think if they've called you in, then yes, it's serious.
I was watching a thread recently where lots of women with knowledge responded. I've linked it for you, as it's worth a read for their comments alone.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5250118-clares-law-request?page=1

Yes if they’re calling you in then there’s something they need to tell you in private and that usually means hes got a record of some sort

What’s the rush to tie yourself financially to a man you’ve only known a few months who already has 2 failed marriages? How well do you really know him? The ‘neither ex wife contributed’ sounds fishy imo - put the brakes on before you’re another anecdote to tell the next one about.

Don't buy a property with any man you've only known for 6 months!

it sounds like something has flagged up otherwise they wouldn’t waste your time getting you to go down to the station in the first place. also please don’t buy a house with someone you’ve known a few months especially given he’s got a history which you’re about to hear from the police. i would just rent somewhere if you still want to live with him after you’ve got the info.

He wants to buy a house with you after two short lived marriages? There is a pretty worrying pattern here, even if there was no other issue.

I know he’s not shown any violence towards you but he is rushing you. Buying a house together after 6 months is not normal behaviour. Something about him must be ringing alarm bells. I hope you listen to what the Pilice gave to say.

If it’s the same thread I read recently it was absolutely heart breaking.

The professionals saying that no Woman they’d met had ever left their DP as a result of a revelation and the serial DV perpetuator who went for relationships with Prison Officers and Police Officers on purpose.

i really do you take heed of the thread and of the revelations that the Police will no doubt furnish you with

This. Madness.

You’ve been very wise to do the request. Go and listen to them and act accordingly to protect your safety and financial wellbeing.

That said, I absolutely would not be bloody buying property with some random I’d only known 6 months who has a history of failed relationships. You’re gonna get taken to the cleaners when he dumps you. Fwiw, the only man I know who pays spousal maintenance to his ex (and a very good chunk at that!) divorced because he sexually abused his child. He paid out everything she requested to keep it quiet. Not saying that’s what’s happened here, but it wouldn’t be the first time. 🙄

In not sure on the answer. But regardless of what happens here, it shows the value of this law being in place. I hope it all works out.

It’s also quite common to split assests once you are divorcing. It isn’t odd that they didn’t contribute as much as him, there can often be a mismatch in earnings or contributions.

What is odd is they he would say this to you. Everyone who gets married woukd understand that assests woukd be split upon divorce?

The fact that your gut instinct is telling you something is wrong should be enough to call this off.

Yes but for a short marriage there usually isn't a large financial settlement

Or he's saying he has to make large payments to his ex wives to excuse why he has no money....

Do not buy a house with this man. Even if he's squeaky clean, it's still a red flag that he's trying to talk you into it this early.

Massive red flag, OP. Go to the police station, take what they have to say on board, do not buy property with him, and realistically, leave.

Take the advice on board, I agree. But the rest depends on that outcome.

Buying a house with someone having only been together for 6 months is crazy whichever way you slice it.

The fact you thought a Clare’s law request might be useful should tell you all you need to know.

Do NOT buy a house with him.

When I requested one on my partner they rang me to tell me there’s nothing of concern, was a very quick call to say no there’s no worries. Guessing if they want to see you in person they have something to report back.

6 months and you’re looking at buying a house together…. Sloooow down