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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Don’t know how to leave

3 replies

Confusgurl · 22/03/2025 10:05

I’ll keep this short as I don’t want to post anything that will give me away.
ive been with my dh for 5 years, we have a 1 year old together and he has a child from another relationship who is 8.
our relationship has unfortunately turned completely toxic since we had our child.
At first I felt I was doing everything with the baby and step child. His excuse was work to begin with but I had to return to work early and it’s still the same.

there’s too much to post here about what’s happened but I feel a shell of myself.
I find myself crying when I see happy couples or hearing about how my friends are getting married, buying homes etc.
Ive always dreamt of getting married and having more kids but I feel now I need to settle so that I can see my child all the time.
I moved an hour and an half away from my family for him and now I feel trapped.

I sit on my own when my step child is here and feel completely isolated and lonely. Most evenings when I put my child to bed I just go and sit in our room.
we argue all the time and he says I’m abusive.
I’m honestly starting to feel like an awful person and that I deserve to just hide away in our house when they are all there together including my own child as I don’t feel worthy to be round them as maybe I am a horrible person.

a big part of my struggle is I do pretty much everything round the flat although he would disagree.
He says I’m a nasty and horrible person and has pushed my body or my head a few times in arguments.
he laughs when I say it’s abusive and says that I just am.
Im no angel and will argue back.

I can’t bare the thought of leaving my child with him 50% of the time.

I put such a front on for everyone but inside I’m dying to tell people the truth.

OP posts:
Applepaste · 22/03/2025 10:11

I sit on my own when my step child is here and feel completely isolated and lonely

why?

Bubblenum · 22/03/2025 10:14

Confusgurl · 22/03/2025 10:05

I’ll keep this short as I don’t want to post anything that will give me away.
ive been with my dh for 5 years, we have a 1 year old together and he has a child from another relationship who is 8.
our relationship has unfortunately turned completely toxic since we had our child.
At first I felt I was doing everything with the baby and step child. His excuse was work to begin with but I had to return to work early and it’s still the same.

there’s too much to post here about what’s happened but I feel a shell of myself.
I find myself crying when I see happy couples or hearing about how my friends are getting married, buying homes etc.
Ive always dreamt of getting married and having more kids but I feel now I need to settle so that I can see my child all the time.
I moved an hour and an half away from my family for him and now I feel trapped.

I sit on my own when my step child is here and feel completely isolated and lonely. Most evenings when I put my child to bed I just go and sit in our room.
we argue all the time and he says I’m abusive.
I’m honestly starting to feel like an awful person and that I deserve to just hide away in our house when they are all there together including my own child as I don’t feel worthy to be round them as maybe I am a horrible person.

a big part of my struggle is I do pretty much everything round the flat although he would disagree.
He says I’m a nasty and horrible person and has pushed my body or my head a few times in arguments.
he laughs when I say it’s abusive and says that I just am.
Im no angel and will argue back.

I can’t bare the thought of leaving my child with him 50% of the time.

I put such a front on for everyone but inside I’m dying to tell people the truth.

First of all please don’t lose yourself as he will want that and will enjoy watching you suffer. He sounds like another narcissist who’s abusive and then gaslights you into believing your the issue which you are not. You’re allowed to argue back and defend yourself when someone’s being abusive to you. At the end of the day you’re struggling and you’re overwhelmed from the mental load of everything and it is hard doing it alone but your child needs you so you gotta stay strong and take your power back. I am hoping that you leave his ass and you and your child live with someone else until you get your own place but i’m not entirely sure you do want to leave him? you can’t just settle and be miserable for the rest of your life you deserve happiness too and so does your child.

PatienceofasaintNot · 22/03/2025 10:26

I can undersrand your confusion, pain, etc as i am in a similar situation, minus the children.

I contacted mental health services and they put me in touch with a womens charity who offer resilience support and practical coping measures plus strategies to leave. They have routes to report this behaviour so you can ensure your child is also shielded frpm his abuse when you leave.
Please reach out to your local services and they will guide you.

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