2 friendships lost due to this

[Bubblenum]

So i have a few friends who i’ve known since i was a teenager and i love them dearly i treat there kids as if they’re my own and i respect them a lot however they both don’t speak to me unless i text them first, they both don’t ever ask to meet up with the kids or get together and catch up it’s always me making the effort. I havent spoken to one of the friends for 6 months because she refuses to message first and the other friend i haven’t spoken to in 2 month for the same reason. I feel a bit down about it because it’s like two long term friendships have been lost due to them not wanting to make an effort or message first. a friendship should work both ways and im tired of always making an effort with people and getting nothing back. I feel alone and i miss my friends but why should i be the one to reach out AGAIN when they never bother with me. I also do understand and respect that we are all grown ups and busy with our kids and jobs etc so i dont feel like im asking for a lot. My friends are important to me but im clearly not to them. How do i navigate this?

A friendship should be a two way relationship, but the balance is not equal with these 'friends'.

Have you spoken to either of them about it and how it makes you feel? If not, would you feel comfortable with doing this?

I feel your pain. I have been through this quite recently and I've decided that I am prepared to lose the 'friendship'. If someone doesn't care enough about me to contact me (after a bereavement, which they knew about), I don't need or want them in my life. In my case, I always initiated contact, every single time. The 'friend' never contacted me first. We did speak about it, initiated by me. She was very dismissive and said everyone contacts her, that's the way it's always been. Not anymore it isn't!

Kindly OP you need to let them go x

You shouldn't be chasing your friends. My view is they are not bothered about maintaining a friendship with you if they don't make any effort.

It sounds like you may have different expectations and preferences. I think people can have different expectations and natural inclinations when it comes to the timings between communication.

I have many friendships that are solid and supportive when needed but we can go for a while without talking. However we have the same preference and ease with our pattern of communication which means it is not an issue. Maybe you need to lean into friendships where the communication style is more in line with your preference.

If they barely respond or don't want to meet up then that would be a red flag to me.❤

I say the same as others have said. Friendship is a two way street and you do need to let them go. I am currently in the process of dropping a friend of 20 years for the same reason. It hurts but you would be better off in the long run without all the hassle of having to do all the chasing.