Help! I’m reaching out for any sort of support, reassurance and practical advice that I can do this. Real life experiences of single mums that have left and set up their new lives and it’s worked out! For the better?! We own our home, we have two kids. I work part time and I’m just finishing my degree off. I do not want to rent, I want to buy on my own. I know I’ll need to get a higher paid job to do this. Have people done this? Can you share your experience doing this?! Can I even get a mortgage on my own?! 🤦🏻♀️
for context, I have been with my partner for just over 10 years, we have two beautiful girls 8 and 7. I have always struggled with the lack of emotional support I have received from my partner. For many years my needs have not been met, and it’s hurts so bloody much. There has been far too many times in the past where I have needed him to support me emotionally and he wasn’t there. For example when I got PND twice, and he never took the time to understand what it was or what it meant, and would often leave the house to go to football or nights out while I was crying on the couch begging him not to leave. But he would just get angry at me, I’m selfish, I’m controlling etc etc. also he had an affair for 3months(according to him) while I was pregnant with our second daughter. I found out about this affair probably a year after he did it. The way he reacted when I found out, he was mortified, sorry, and messaged me all the time how much he loved me and would give me anything I wanted blah blah blah. We had couples therapy, and got back together after 3 months separated. I think looking back, I took him back because he showed so much emotion, vulnerability, he expressed how much he wanted me, which is something he didn’t do before. Obviously as time passed, things changed again.
I don’t bring the affair up, but obviously it does affect me. I struggled with trust for a long time, not just about speaking to women, but I didn’t trust him not to hurt me. All the times I would tell him I wasn’t feeling well, or in pain (sciatica) , overwhelmed, stressed etc and he would respond to me with zero compassion, talk about himself, how my feelings aren’t his fault so it’s irrelevant, or get defensive, blah blah I think you ladies get what I mean here. The gaslighting and narcissistic traits everytime I approach him with my feelings.
and now I’m done. I’m exhausted. I feel unheard, uncared for, my needs are not being met, and I’m tired of explaining the same things to this man over and over and over and getting nowhere.
I am person that wants and craves love, affection and closeness. And when the man I love so much turns his back on me when I am at my most vulnerable, with holds his love, and defends himself (why?!), it hurts soooo fucking bad! So bad. And I tell him and again I get ignored.
the problem is besides the emotional support he’s great! He’s a great dad, he’s practical, he’s hard working, provider, he shows his love in practical ways (fixing things, taking kids out for day), the way he is with money is good, we agree on money stuff. He’s so funny and charming, he offers his help to people all the time. Hence why I haven’t left him yet, because I think am I actually going to find anyone better? Really?
but after some reflection and every couple of weeks feeling so frustrated, lonely,and unheard, I just can’t take it anymore. I know I deserve more, I want more, more connection and an emotionally supportive partner.
But everytime I think of all the logistics of selling our home, getting a full time job (I never wanted to work full time 😭), buying a house on my own. Not being able to afford things, holidays, clothes, to live! I’m scared, and so sad. I feel like I’m mourning a whole life we built, a future I’m never going to have with him now.
I just need reassurance that I can do this, I know it’s the right choice to leave. I feel like I’m loosing such a good part of myself because of this. I also need very detailed advice please on HOW I do this 😅
thank you ladies!! In need of that women’s support atm.