Parental alienation

[WelshBookWitch]

I need a virtual slap/handhold.

I was married for 30 years and divorced in 2023. My exH psychologically and financially abused me for the last 15 years of the marriage. He tried to isolate me from friends and family and he sexually abused me as well.
I made attempts to leave in 2022 and to punish me he set fire to the family home and removed the money I'd just received from my late mums estate from the account and sent it to an account overseas. He was sentenced to 18 months for arson and theft (he's out now) and there is a 15 year injunction preventing him from contacting me and our youngest dd23.
He took the family home (the one he tried to burn down) and still lives there. He doesnt work and spends his days in the pub. I live a few miles away but he doesn't know the address.
None of my adult DDs have any contact with him by choice. DD30 requires enhanced vetting for her job and she can't have contact with him due to his criminal record. DD23 is on the injunction, mainly due to her mental health vulnerability and autism (high functioning but easily manipulated). Dd26 was the most badly bullied by him growing up, she was the least compliant to him, more fiesty than the other two so he really used to go for her almost as badly as he did for me.
I am ashamed of the length of time it took me to leave, recognise the damage it did to my DDs, but they are all doing well considering.

ExH is posting all over Social Media about how he is an alienated parent, how his bitch of an ex wife is keeping his kids from him, and how excluding father's from children's lives is child abuse.
I am finding it very very hard not to say something. Please give me a slap. I know I should block him but it's a bit like having a big spider in your house. I'm not really scared of him anymore but I like to know where it is. Also he is very alone, he speaks to none of his family, his only friends are other drinkers in the pub. I keep an eye on his SM activity just to check he is still alive.
He shares mostly posts and memes from PAPA which seems to be a hotbed of disgruntled ex husbands complaining about single mothers and the family court.
Being accused of alienating my kids from their dad is very devastating. They are all adults. I've told them all if they wanted to contact him I wouldn't mind.
Throughout our divorce I bent over backwards to be generous and reasonable (him being in prison was a gift in terms of me being able to get free) and I was determined to not be seen as a bitch. We ended up at an FDR hearing and the judge said that I had been remarkably generous and reasonable, and told ExH he was wasting Court time and family money dragging it out.
I know I need to just ignore his new crusade. Or just laugh at him. But it's very difficult.

He isn’t a harmless spider though, he’s a violent criminal that you need to avoid.

When he behaves like this he looks like a loon, don’t engage with his lunacy. For your safety, and your children’s safety.

His family don't speak to him, his friends are losers. Nobody cares about his opinion. Its like a diary, writing to himself. Congratulate yourself on escaping this scum bag, it is ok to take pleasure in the knowledge that his life is shit if you want to. But don't obsess over what this loser writes on social media, enjoy your freedom!

He was and remains abusive towards you all, he has not changed post divorce and he still wants to punish you for leaving him because in his head he is a perfect specimen. Such men too hate women, ALL of them and I think your now adult children are very sensible in not seeing him at all.

Ask yourself why you are still bothering to check he is alive via his social media rantings. Stop doing this and free yourself. You are likely only doing this because you have co-operated with him all along, an abuser however, always refuses to co-operate. It is hard being practically the last one who perhaps bothers with him but men like this are really not worth bothering about.

Refrain from reading any and all of his social media rantings; do not give this any of your power or precious headspace here. Who gives a shit about what he writes on SM anyway?. Its an ideal tool for an abuser like he to mouth off on. Indeed ignore his new crusade; do not give it any oxygen.

Abuse like you've all had at his hands takes a long time, years even, to recover from. As part of your recovery I would recommend the Freedom Programme particularly if you have not already done this. A chat with Womens Aid would be beneficial to you too.

It's frustrating and infuriating when the aggressor tries to play the victim, but he's shouting into the void essentially. Either people know him on there and knownwhat he did, or they don't and therefore their opinion is meaningless. You know the truth, these people have nothing to do with you, head held high for the life youve built now and dont give it another thought it you can.

Thank you all. I know you're all right. I was assisted by Gorwel (A Welsh DV charity) at the time. I'm very proud of my DDs, they all live away and are living their lives with jobs and their partners as they should be. We are close and talk to at least one of them most days.
I live in a small but lovely house and I have a job which I like and pays the bills. I'm so lucky to be out and am thankful every day. Maybe the need to be looking at his SM comes from the need to remind myself how far I've come.

Your DC are all adults, if they wanted to speak to or see him they would. He abused you horribly and that's left you with this misplaced guilt Op but you owe him nothing, what he says about you are the ravings of a drunken abuser who can't cope with having lost.
Don't engage with him Op, he just wants to pull you back in so he can hurt you some more