Just opinions needed

[Makeitpossible]

Over a few wines with SIL we were chatting about in-laws and husbands ( who are brothers). She said how odd she found Christmas gifts from in-laws they usually gift money but for example will say we have put £320 in your account (DH name) if you just transfer (my name) the £20. This is all said in front of us both.

I am grateful they want to gift me anything but do find it strange how the separate it presents like this. In my more emotional weeks it’s like they still don’t see us a serious couple despite been married and together for 15 years.

other options welcome

it’s not odd to give separate presents, but the way they do it is.

@DustyLee123 this exactly what I was trying to get at. My parents give us separate presents but not like that.

Eh? So they give dh £300 and you £20?

I think you’re over thinking it a bit- just put it down to one of their little foibles and don’t worry about it.

@Azureshores yes

My parents do this 🤣. I get £200 at Xmas, my husband gets £50, but they still put the cash in a money wallet gift card thing for each of us.
I quite like it 🤣😂.

That's appalling. If they wanted to spend a bit more on your dh ok but £300 to him and £20 to you is taking the piss. And for them to be so obvious about it is really off, I'd be very insulted.

My dc's aren't even married but the one who lives with his gf I spend pretty much the same on them.

At christmas just gone PIL's gave us £500 jointly and we've spent it on a weekend away. I honestly don't get how some peoples mind work!

Ooh, I'd find that extraordinarily odd! Whenever either set of our parents give us a cash gift it's a joint one, "here's £300 for you" (plural). Thinking about it, because we're a unit I suppose? If my parents gave me shedloads more than to my husband I'd think they were really rude!

@Azureshores @Oneflightdown this is exactly it I would rather they gave us something jointly all we do anyway is spend it on something for the house or a night away. It honestly just makes me feel so insignificant

completely if they want to give me less but why be so obvious.

i don’t really understand this at all i find it quite odd. i mean last year my in laws forgot my birthday and didn’t even say happy birthday to me when i saw them on my birthday when every year before that for 12 years ide always gotten a happy bday. i know it’s not the same thing but sometimes in laws are weird and do things for attention

I had this when I was married. It always felt like I was an afterthought.

Now as a MIL, I make sure I give exactly the same to my Dd and son in law. I try to treat them both exactly the same and spend the same amount for birthdays and Christmas on each of them.

In the past it would be appropriate gifts, but they are renovating now so prefer to receive money. They still have separate accounts so I pay into their separate accounts.

Family dynamics and money bring out such differing behaviours. But I decided I never want to make my lovely son in law feel like an afterthought. My Dd will always be more important to me, but there’s no reason to make it obvious.