Moody partner

[Brena]

So exactly as it says. I’ve known my partner for years but only living together for the past 3 years and Jesus I never realized how bloody moody he is!! He is a great person. Respectful and helpful around the house etc but Jesus Christ he is the moodiest person I have ever met. It’s like the world revolves around him and if something someone says or does triggers him in any way, he’s off in a mood. How the hell do people deal with this?? I absolutely cannot stand moodiness unless it’s from my teenager then I understand it but a bloody 50+ year old man! Give me strength!!!!

You deal with this by ending the relationship. His behaviour towards you is an example of emotional abuse. He is punishing you for some transgression you have committed in his head by being moody.

Moodiness directed at you, or is he just generally a grumpy sod? If it’s the first, make it clear it’s not an acceptable way to treat you and what the consequences will be. If it’s the second, ignore it if you can or deal with it as above if you can’t.

I don't.

I left my ex of over a decade partly because of it.

His moods were partly genuine, and partly deliberate as he realised his grumpy man routine got so much attention and fawning from me because of it. I was just trying to avoid mistreatment, like name-calling and snappiness or a bad atmosphere in a small house. It was hard work, and I realised that I was trying to anticipate his needs moods as if he were a toddler.

It drains you. What you mention is the sign of a neurotic person, often with anger issues, who is used to being catered to when they're like this. Also seen in emotionally immature men who rather than asking for comfort in a healthy way, or learning how to self-soothe, they sulk and flounce. Life is greyer around people like that.

Live separately, then when he gets moody you leave him to it and go home.

He doesn’t sound great or respectful if this is how he acts…

How do you currently deal with it when he’s moody?

"He is a great person"

"It’s like the world revolves around him and if something someone says or does triggers him in any way, he’s off in a mood."

Both of these can't be true.

Tell him to sort himself out or you're done.

While you keep tolerating this bullshit, it'll never change.

Try to find out what’s made him moody or just ignore it until he snaps out of it. He’s never mean when he’s moody just moody if that makes sense

Ignore him when he sulks but you really do not want to remain with such a man. The responsibility for his sulks are his and his alone.

Never ever try to find out what makes him moody.

That puts you in the role of supplicant. And that's what he wants.

Leave him to it. Or leave him altogether, depending on just how controlling the moods are intended to be.

I don't think it's necessarily emotional abuse unless he's actually taking out his mood on you, but it is a sign of poor emotional regulation and it's very tiresome.

I would sit him down and say to him that his moodiness is making him really hard to live with. Some (a lot of) people with poor emotional regulation don't really understand that they can change the way they think and feel about things and learn to emotionally regulate themselves better through therapy.

I ended up leaving my DP of 11 years for this reason. I tried very hard to understand why he was so miserable and negative, and unfortunately his moods directly impacted me and my 2 DCs. He would often be horrible to be for no reason, as in look at me like I was something on his shoe or just treat me like I was an annoyance in the house.

He since has gone on anti depressants and is actually a changed man, which I find quite hard to deal with as he is now everything he should of been but for me it’s too little too late.

Thanks everyone for your responses. Appreciate them all. I love my partner very much and he loves me. I know that without a doubt. He does struggle with expressing how he feels which is the total opposite to me! I like to thrash things out whereas he likes to go into himself and think it through. He is not a bad partner. He is a lovely, generous and kind man who would do anything for me. I actually meant the post to be kind of tongue in cheek as his moods annoy me but they would not make me leave him ever. Even when he is in a mood I could ask him to stand on his head for me and he would with moody face lol but thank you all anyway for taking the time to read and respond xx

Does your teen like him?

Yes and will not have a bad word said about hin

I've reread your original post and I struggle to see the tongue in cheek therein.
But I'm glad we got it wrong rather than you're stuck with a selfish controlling man.

My ex was moody, with me & everyone else. Easy irritated, easily put out & just high maintenance. Wanted adoration & appreciation far too much. Could be amazingly charming & adorable to others in a narcissistic way but It made for a miserable life and eventually, i had enough.

Even when he is in a mood I could ask him to stand on his head for me and he would with moody face lol

How about asking him to learn to self-regulate better and stop with the moody face then? If he'll do anything for you.

He's constantly attention seeking and your relationship revolves around him. Try just ignoring his moods and carrying on your day.

I've just seen your update where you don't mind the moods. I'm glad it's working out for you.