I have been with my partner for over 10 years. We are engaged and have a child together. Despite our long relationship it has been far from perfect or easy and for the last few years I felt I have stayed for the sake of our child.
about 2 years ago an old colleague reached out and told me he had feelings and had done so for a long time. I had feelings for this person too but we never discussed at the time (10 years ago) so we were both unsure of how the other felt. We always had a great relationship both in and out of work and he was especially supportive when I have a major bereavement. He married but it didn’t last and as said previously I have a child with my partner. We remained in contact over the years briefly.
At the time he reached out I wasn’t particularly happy with my partner but shut down what he had said and told him that maybe if circumstances were different I would have pursued something but that there was no chance of that happening now. He accepted and we agreed to remain friends. A few months later he stopped contacting and I assumed that was because of what I had said to him.
fast forward 12 months later to the end of 2024 and we meet randomly on a night out. He was with friends at the table next to me, my partner and some of our friends. We briefly said hello, how are you… all good etc and that was that. Before we moved on he grabbed me and said he could explain everything over the last year. We exchanged numbers and met about a week later.
he has had a tough time, bereavements, MH and just generally struggling with life but has come out the other side and is doing well for himself. He said he wanted to reach out but felt like the more time that passed the harder it became as he wasn’t sure how I would be with him. I told him I wasn’t completely honest with him the year before and that if he had reached out before I had my baby I would have dropped everything for him. We have been in constant contact since then and I can’t help but feel I want to spend more time with him/ be with him.
he is a few years older than me but has a much more mature attitude to relationships than my partner. He is emotionally intelligent, We have the same interests, morals, outlooks etc and I feel myself constantly gravitating towards him which is something I have felt since we met.
I have told my partner I’m unhappy a number of times over the years. I work full time, look after our child, run the house etc and have very little help from my partner. He spends little time with our child and has very little patience for them. That said the times he does help out/spend time with our child he is a good dad and our child dotes on him. He keeps saying he will do anything to make things work but changes only last a few weeks before he falls back into his old habits and I’m left doing everything again. He keeps asking me what I want him to do but I think he’s missing the point that the mental load is becoming unbearable and that I need him to think for himself, pick up chores without me telling him etc. I feel like his mother sometimes!
I feel very conflicted and I haven’t been able to talk to anyone. I feel like I could be making a mistake but more often than not feel like I could absolutely be making the right decision. I also cant help but feel like I have missed out on 10 years with this guy.
any thoughts/advice would be appreciated! X