Poorly cat v new partner

[Tobbay]

Hi

I've recently met somebody.And we have been seeing each other for about six weeks.
During this time , my cat has been very ill and has lost twenty five percent body weight and been diagnosed with IBD. I'm cuùrrently hand feeding him as he's not eating.

My new partner wants me to stay overnight as his but my instinct is that I want to stay at home at the moment as my cat sleeps with me and that calms him, he us really poorly and needs alot of care and I may not have him as long as I thought if he goes downhill.
I've had him 12 yrs and known the guy 6 weeks.

But, am I being weird here and should I stay as "that's what people do"?
I would like to pursue things with him but not sure if I should stay?
Would it put you off if a partner put their cat above you?

If he doesn't completely understand then you shouldn't want to date him anyway.

You even have to ask? 12 years v 6 weeks. If this relationship is any good, your man can and will wait a bit longer.

I hope you're getting good vet treatment for your cat. Take their advice as to how well he/she is.

The question shouldn't even arise: your poor cat is ill and needs you.

I'd recommend rehoming to new owner immediately.

Shouldn't be too hard to find somebody willing to take them on, somebody who likes a project or waif and stray, perhaps.

After all, you've only had him for six weeks.

Always the cat.

My now DP of 12 years came to help me look for my cat when I texted him at short notice to rearrange our first date because she was missing! The first time I ever met him in person was when he rocked up at my house wearing wellies to go searching the fields for her. 🥹

A good man will understand.

Imagine you went to stay over his and came home to a dead cat.

This shouldn't even be a question, come on.

Cat.

Dating someone for 6 weeks does not make them a partner. My ketchup is older than your relationship.

I had to go to work to earn money for the family and stay. Came back in the cat was dead. I’ve never forgiven myself. I truly wish I’d forgotten the 200 quid.

Stay with the cat. I recently lost one of mine, who had lost weight quickly. My DP was very sweet about it, kept checking on me, asking how my DD was feeling, and of course understood that in the lead up and aftermath of it, my place was at home. He offered to come over if I wanted him or to give me space with my DCs to grieve the loss. If your bloke can’t do that then he’s not the one. For anyone!

Our cat had large cell gastrointestinal lymphoma, and had treatment for 2 1/2 years, in that time we decided to pause holidays as I didn’t want to leave a terminally ill animal home alone wondering where his family were and especially not knowing how long he had left. My husband and I agreed that our cat came first and every destination we could have visited would be around long after our cat would be. Have zero regrets now that our cat has passed. If you want to put your cat first you should, unsure as to whether your partner wants you to put him before your cat, or if you’re just unsure whether doing so would put him off, personally I think any decent person would totally understand, and if after 6 weeks he is making you choose, then that’s a big red flag imo x

This

Thanks for all your replies.

Partner is the wrong word, I thought as I typed but didn't have time to edit.

I have zero thoughts of staying overnight and would always put my cat and children first.

But, as I'm a people pleaser, I wanted to see whether others thought I was being unreasonable.

Thanks so much for being kind people too and helping me feel better about not putting a man first or feeling pressurised into staying x

I cancelled a date ( with my now husband been together 11 years married for 6) because I had to take my guinea pig to the vets for an upper respiratory infection.
He thought I was taking the piss...
I wasn't, however, we are still together, he understood.

Cat every time 🐈 🐈‍⬛️

It doesn’t matter what the reason is for saying no, never feel pressured to put a man first. You need to do what’s right for you - yes there’s sometimes a need to compromise but only do what you feel comfortable with

This... cat comes 1st. The kitty depends on you.

Cat first!
I hope he feels better soon x

This is beautiful x

If he resents your care of your pet, he’s a complete jackass and not worth your time.

Love this!

You’re not putting your cat “above” anyone. Your cat is sick. They have been with you for 12 years. Quite honestly you have a moral obligation to stay with your cat and anyone who suggests you are putting your cat above them belongs in the bin.

We lost our dog a year ago, the last weekend we had him, there was someone holding him at all times. I slept on the sofa with him. If I went to the loo my husband was holding him.

If he doesn’t understand he’s showing his true colours nice and early but here’s hoping your cat picks up and gives you another few years ❤️❤️

I went to work when my cat was poorly, I missed her last breath by 20 minutes (the vet called me as I got off the train), I haven't forgiven myself and it breaks my heart that I wasn't there for her.

Any man I date would have to understand my cats come first.

Oh I'm so sorry, that's heart breaking 😢

This.

This is a good opportunity to filter out the wheat from the chaff. If he totally gets why you can't stay over and that you need to be there for your cat then he could be a keeper. If he throws his toys out the pram then time to throw him back into the sea. Sorry your cat is so unwell, I hope things improve for him really soon.