After some advice I went for coffee with a friend today and she’s told me that her partner of 18 years secretly messages other women he’s done it on and off throughout their relationship usually just flirty stuff but nothing else each time she’s found out she’s told him it’s not acceptable and if it happens again she’ll leave obviously she hasn’t and she thought he’d stopped (she’d never said anything to be before came as a shock) so fast forward to this year and she says she been feeling anxious about things I probe her on what and she said he’s gone out 6-7 times since January which I didn’t think was a lot and she went to put a valentines card in his rucksack so he could have it as he goes to work early and she found a valentines card with a photo of him and another woman she had it out with him and he’s claimed it was nothing she sent him a card because he’d been nice and understanding something her husband hasn’t been in a long time (the partner messages this woman and her husband they all met on holiday a couple of years ago) so to not make this to long my poor friend burst into tears and said that the card had been sent to his work address and that two weeks ago she found a parcel in his rucksack which had a couple of pairs of knickers in doused in a perfume. I was completely shocked by all of this and I’ve told her I don’t think he’s as innocent as he claims to be she has told him she’s done with his lies but she hasn’t told him about the other things she’s found she knows he’ll come up with some story and I know she’ll brush it under the carpet she loves him and I believe she is waiting for him to change, I don’t know how to get through to her and I hate to see her so upset and convinced that she must of done something to deserve this or make him do it