How to cancel?

[An0n1]

I'm meant to be seeing dc GP in the next few days. They live quite far from us which means we normally spend most of the day with them when we meet up. They're my in laws and I've been trying very hard to maintain a good relationship with them since I split with my ex. I have an interview coming up next week and I really need more time to prepare for it and I don't see how I can do that with my existing commitments- the only thing that's remotely flexible is meeting them.

The thing is - I don't know what the best way to rearrange is. They are VERY sensitive about seeing dc which I can understand and I've always tried to be accommodating. My issue is if I tell them the truth they will offer to take dc out alone and at the moment I'm only happy with them seeing dc with me present. I've never voiced this to them and I know they'd be offended if I did - so far they haven't offered so I really want to avoid that. What would others do?

How old is DC and why don't you want them to see them alone?

Just say that something has come up and you need to reschedule. Don’t take no for an answer.

They are you ex in-laws but they are still your children's grandparents. You say you are trying to maintain a good relationship with them but don't feel comfortable them having your children alone. Why is that? It could really help you out.

I lived far away from my grandparents but loved spending time with them. The relationship I had with them when I was alone with them was different to the one I had when my parents were present. They gave me sweets and let me stay up late. We made forts out of blankets and clothes horses, did lots of crafting and generally had a great time. They had both passed by the time I was a teenager but I'm still grateful that I had a relationship with them.

I'm guessing your ex isnt around if you're facilitating contact with his parents?

Of course it's important that your children have a relationship with their GP, but these things happen sometimes, you're alone and it's important you have a good job. Make an excuse but offer new dates straight away and lock in another date.

You are not being unreasonable to re-arrange. Does your ex share custody of the children with you? I'm wondering why you are the one with the responsibility for maintaining the children's relationship with his parents.

Ex has no contact with dc due to safeguarding reasons. These took me by complete shock so I don't trust anyone in his family to spend time with dc alone now at least while he's so little as i know hurt people hurt people and i have no way to know if someone harmed my ex at some point. I wouldn't want them to facilitate contact between dc and my ex. I wouldn't want my ex knowing where dc is. I realise gp relationships are important which is why I continue to facilitate that contact.

You are being kind to keep facilitating contact with your ex's parents as long as it works for you. You are being perfectly reasonable to either cancel or re-arrange the planned visit so that you can prepare for your interview. They may be sensitive but they have a son that can't safely have contact with his own children and they must realise that they are very lucky to have you to facilitate contact with their grandchildren.

Dc get taken out and spoiled by them, you have time for interview prep, win win

You maybe hrtft but Ds will not be having unsupervised contact with them for the previously mentioned reasons. Obviously in another world this would be an ideal solution and I'm really sad ds won't have those experiences with his GP now, but it's the situation my ex has put us in and I want to navigate that as sensitively and inoffensively as possible because I'm also very aware that they may not be responsible for their sons behaviour at all and may never facilitate contact between ds and his dad. But equally I'm not going to take any level of unnecessary risk with my child. Me being present is the best of both worlds as far as I can see where noone is missing out.