Thoughts on barely messaging before a date

[Bluejeansrose78]

Thoughts on guys not messaging much before a date, this guy i’m talking to on hing has asked me out on a date on Monday. He’s booked the restaurant and the time we’re going which is a nice change for me.

Only thing is we barely talk on the app, we’ve been talking since Tuesday but barely speak, for example. He asked me on a date in the first few messages.

5pm; he messages
6pm: ill reply when i’m home from work
5pm the next day: he replied to my message

His messages are a bit blunt as well and to the point. Whereas i’m trying to make convo a little.

I’m probably self sabotaging a bit but seeing as most guys normally message a bit more before the date and I’m a bit thrown as its so different

Its making me more nervous for the date and i’m second guessing going as i have social anxiety so like to talk a little more before meeting. I know some people prefer not talking much before meeting so trying to approach this with a open mind

After a year or more of dating some people do take the approach of not messaging loads before hand. It saves on getting your hopes up/false connection over text etc. It makes sense but yeah, myself and I'd wager a lot of women would also prefer a little more chat beforehand just to get a sense for the person they're meeting...kinda suss them out a bit.

There's no reason you can't get in touch and say you'd quite like a chat before meeting, maybe over the phone?

Look at Burned Haystack dating method on Fbook & Insta. Makes real sense.

Don’t mess around, if you are not happy trust your instincts

Maybe he doesn't think there's much to talk about since the date's arranged and you'll be able to talk in person.

I'd probably do the date and see what communication is like after if it goes well.

It feels like you’re going on a date with a stranger with no effort from him to get to know you beforehand.

Ivd found a lot of men do want to meet without any communication first and that wouldn’t work for me. And going for dinner as a first date with someone you have no idea if you have any sort of connection is a big risk. I’d say a couple of drinks would work better

This!! This sums up exactly how i feel, i want to message him being like is work busy to see if thats why. If it was drinks i’d feel less on edge

You can’t tell if there’s a connection until you actually meet face to face. So if you do too much messaging it can create a sense that you know each other and have little stories you’ve shared, or little ‘in’ jokes, and that your connection is more than it actually is.

An hour or two of messaging, set a day and time (my favourite is a coffee so you’re not wasting time or money if it doesn’t work out) then minimal messaging until the day, then just check in ‘looking forward to meeting you at 3pm’ then just be at the place.

If he's not making an effort now , he never will.

My now H was a man who initially didn't text much. He felt he had made an arrangement and we would see each other then. 😂 Everyone doesn't think the same and as for all this " good night" and " good morning" crap you hear about it's just too much ! 😂

What’s wrong with getting to know one another in person?

we all aren’t super needy and glued to our phones every minute.

They’re going on a date, not trekking to the Arctic Circle together. How much preliminary do adults need?

Honestly, it all sounds so teenagerish.

Maybe he has a life beyond twiddling on his phone.

He wants to get to know you in person rather over messages, I'd be the same.

If the date goes well hes likely going to be much more inclined to text more afterwards

these are my thoughts too. My ex was like this and i thought things would get better but they didnt. He just didnt like speaking to me in between seeing eachother. I felt like i was at the bottom of his chores list in the end. If he wanted to he would. Good luck x

I did a bit of OLD many years ago. I hated lots of messages before a date.

• you feel like you know someone before you've even met them : you really don't
• it sets false expectation of how the date will go
• investing time in a stranger before you've met is pointless if you don't like them in person
• its very weird to tell someone you do not know loads of information about yourself
• some men can behave via message like you are already in a relationship - good morning texts, checking in during the day, etc. If you haven't met, it is not a relationship.
• it moves the non relationship on too fast

I could go on...

Dp was great, sizzling. In fact by the time the date arrived 3 weeks later we shortened the intro and went straight to bed...

However he says he prefers calls to messaging. Some people just don't like an endless long running dialogue either pre date, during or once in a relationship...

The thought of meeting a man in a restaurant for a whole meal who I’ve not even had a conversation with online fills me with dread!!! Why not just change it to coffee? I don’t agree he should be making an effort at this stage though. You’ve not even met! Have to say the 5pm text would make me a little suspicious too

I’m nearly 60 so Hardy a teenager, needy or glued to my phone!

Personally I prefer a day or two messaging then a chat on the phone before I agree to a date. The few times I’ve broken that and gone on a date without any pre communication have been disasters and waste of both our time so it works for me. It’s not needy uk dk what’s right for us as individuals.

And I never do dinner first dates as being stuck having 3 courses with a stranger is my idea of hell on earth.

It works for me so no need to be rude and throw cheap digs because others are different to you.

I've was done with dating long before apps became a thing, but to be honest I'd hate the idea of having to string a conversation out for days before a date. That's the point of the date surely, to get to know someone.

Exactly!